Thursday, December 13, 2007
Some must have's - Stubble.. but just about, the trace of a manly scent, whiffs making me try to guess the brand, and forget for a moment where i am. A strong, assertive, elegant watch that just peeks out from below the cuff, one Ill notice during some casual gestures made whilst speaking. A dimple - one that plays hide and seek, one that ill keep mentally longing to see...
He's attractive, but he need'nt be conventionally handsome, im not one for convention. He's athletic and would cancel on a date with me cos he wouldnt want to miss gym. I would TOTALLY be ok with that. in fact secretly I'd be pleased. He's romantic, but just in the right amounts. Men tend to get totally besotted with a woman sometimes and act completely embarassingly kooky. He doesnt put up with too many of my erratic moods, just when he knows he needs to. Men who cant stand up for themselevs and go weak kneeed around the woman they love are completely unattractive.
He can walk into a room with just an arm on my waist and completely own me, with just that one hand placed assertively on the small of my back, everyone will know where my heart is, and whose his belongs to. He drinks single malt scotch and enjoys his drink, one sip at a time... not too little, not one too much. Getting drunk will make me look bad too, he knows.
He is a kid at heart, one that i can crack absolutely ridiculous jokes with and laugh for no real reason. I let go, i let go of that completely in control, self-preservatory me and let myself be me again...just for a moment let me try. It feels nice, to depend.
He likes my family and loves them like his own - my dad enjoys a drink with him. They feel it too - that aura of assurance, love and protectiveness he bestows on me.
He sounds just perfect. But he isnt... he's cranky sometimes and irrational, and a little too nice. But thats where I come in. Me with my sensible-all-rational approach to life. Ill compensate by having that conversation with him - the one about why we cant make all our decisions with our heart - the lessons Ive learnt the hard way.
And he cant iron clothes. he's good at dishes, but hes bad at ironing clothes. "Ill cook" he says. Ah well. Its endearing, the strange aversion to ironing clothes.
Hard to find such a guy i hear you say. I've heard that all my life. I live in a bubble, rose tinted glasses, cinderella stories dont exist, been there heard that.
I'll have the last laugh on this one, i hear myself say. This guys just gonna pop off a plane and be mine, simple as that.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Having said that, there was something missing this year. Every one's busy and in their grown up worlds. Birthday treats had to be scheduled and rescheduled and (one) was finally canned. What was once unthinkable (not coming to my birthday, wishing me, missing the 12 o clock birthday wish etc) is now completely acceptable. Really this is the same girl who spent 9 p.m the previous night onwards wondering how the next three hours will pass till the clock turns 12!
It was a fun birthday, i was at my cousins wedding, and hence not in town. Everyone wished me, the wedding was fun yadayada. Colleagues made my day by decorating my bay and getting me a really nice jacket id been wanting since ages. i wont go into what each person did else this will sound like a thank you speech!
If I'm sounding a little off-key, let me clarify that i am. Have no idea why...or maybe i don't want to acknowledge that im being all grown up about it cos i don't! i don't want to get all boring and "its OK you forgot my birthday" about it. I want to be crazy and hormonally neurotically angry if someone dare do so, and a superlatively excited crazy fool again. I don't want to get into the whole "lets not give each other gifts, its quite juvenile" bit, no!! i want to spend a few days before each one of my friends birthdays and figure out what i want to get them and the whole enchilada. Needless to say i want the same back! :)
I've always had one anchor, one focal point who takes my day, decides how it will be, fixes things so that they’re all in place, jazzes it up and makes sure I've had the best day of that yr on my birthday. As someone rightly said, Shit happens. That anchor is now missing, and Ive become this hard as nails, ready to fend for myself, can take on anything person. while it is a good thing, I miss feeling hurt over small things, caring about the minuscule things in life and being completely vulnerable to someone. It was a strange feeling - that vulnerability. That euphoria on seeing that person after ages, or that sinking feeling and consequent sadness over the smallest thing they might’ve said that would hurt, thinking how one situation can benefit both rather than myself... More than anything, its the feeling of being two people, not one.
This hard-ass, independent, career woman, logic over everything, no nonsense person is just not me. I miss that naivete, that little inability to handle some situations and hence depending on some one to be there, that aching nagging little hurt over wanting something so bad, that crazy childlike (note: NOT childish) trusting person that I used to be.
Toughening up is just not cool.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
A PSALM OF LIFE
WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN SAID TO THE PSALMIST
Life is real ! Life is earnest!
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
How can one show have so many Mc. Yummies in one go! For anyone whose not watched it, Patrick Dempsey is Dr. Mc dreamy. and Mc. dreamy he is. it is shows and movies like this that make us poor women fall in love with the idea of love and prince charming and what not. and then life shows us the clear difference between reel life and real life. i won't launch into that one now :)
I heard some quotable person mention that most womens problems can be solved by a nice pair of shoes, or a nice bag. I would like to shake the hand of this genius, and i also attest to the statement. Shopping has many therapeutic properties so if you feel your girlfriend, or wife, or mom is acting (more) neurotic or (more) hormonal than normal, then take her shopping! That money spent will reap you great rewards my friend.
Here are a few things that need to be understood about women.
- There are times that we're feeling moody just because. (Its the estrogen i tell ya)
- The next few bullet points are dedicated to shoes. Because they are a very important part of our lives.
- Different shoes go with different clothes. that's why we NEED so many. for e.g. to help the (poor?) men who never seem to get the (simple) logic, stilettos (shoes with pointy pencil heels that y'all love) go beautifully with most things. hence every woman needs to own at least one pair. ( i mean two, one black and one any colour of her choice)
- Flats look terrible with formal black pants, but needed for everyday wear. Sneakers for running, Pumps/Strappy shoes for skirts and block heels for when you want to wear heels, but don;t want to wear stilettos.
- Of course you need different shoes with Indian wear.
- (Phew i hope that helped at least a little). coming back to other important aspects of our lives.
- No matter how many clothes we have, we'll always need more. (errr.. or want)
- YOU get manicures, pedicures, haircuts, waxes, threading, facials, bleaches, exfoliation dehydration, moisturization, detoxification and many other such (unnecessary evils) done to your body and tell us how you'd feel. Before some wise-ass leaves me a comment saying this is completely voluntary and not enforced it is due to some jerks that most women have complexes that make them feel not-so-beautiful which is why we resort to such external tactics (beautiful is more than skin deep and all) in the first place. If your girlfriend has a forehead that marks the confluence of her hairline and eyebrows and did nothing about it, please tell me you'd still dote on her. (yes. i believe u)
- We secretly love Mc. dreamy's so you ought to know what your up against. every woman wants a Prince Charming. and while your not expected to be your nicest best at all times. we would like some thoughful moments out of you, when you're not acting like a jerk, picking a fight with us or just acting completely clueless in life.
- If you want to buy us something, buy it. Dont ask. we'll say no but we mean yes. This does not apply to questions like "why don't u do the dishes tonight" etc.
- Understand that estrogen is an excrutiatingly difficult hormone to have so much of. Unlike testosterone, its makes you think of things other than sports, sex or food. It makes us cranky and horrid when its that time of the month, or not that time, it releases compulsive shopping disorders, random outbursts of joy or equally uncalled reasons for grief.
- Its well known that through all this neurotic, wiry behaviour we still manage to go to work, help out at home, be nice to people and put up with all their ridiculous behaviour, deal with all that (damn) estrogen and still manage to make it through our lives.
Disclaimer - Any characters and pronouns used in this post are purely fictional. No offence is mean to (most) people. So in case i do know you in real life, don't come pelt me. Its the Estrogen.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Surprising then, that in the age of connectivity, we are in fact, Dis connected. Dis connected from each others feelings and emotions, disconnected from the joy of receiving a long distance call after ages... these things are just an everyday affair now. Oh there are so many things I'm trying to say here. I'm just a tad bit melancholy about how sms's have replaced phone calls, how emails have replaced hand written letters and hugs and kisses are replaced by brackets and symbols. I had pen pals, some old friends from school with whom i kept in touch via letters and cards regularly. What even i now regard as tedious was actually a time of the week i used to await - when i would open my (Often Archie stationary) letter pad and start with a "Hope this letter finds you in the best of health". Surprisingly, we are all on each others orkut/facebook etc but more out of touch than then. True that there are other attributes that factor in to drifting away, but coming back to what i said in the first place.. we are connected (Orkut is a social networking tool that blah blah..) and all that, but at the same time we aren't!
Sms, email, fast food, one min photos, super fast trains, Mum-London direct flights, are all efforts to condense time required for these mundane activities. But what do we do with this extra time? Living in Mumbai, we spend most of our time travelling or working, How many of us take the time to spend on ourselves? and family? I for one, catch up with most of my friends only over the weekend and i suspect that its the case with mostly everyone. Everyone thinks they're overworked and underpaid which might be the case, but the time that we have on our hands is ours to spend. so many people waste to much time doing nothing productive at work most of the day and then work late. and then complain about it! I say, get in, finish your shit and get out!
A look at the sheer number of bloggers since the advent of blogs shows the amount of people who log on just to vent, confess, ramble, rant, complain and just let their hearts out. I am obviously not referring to the arty/creative/real author/Picture blogs. There are so many anonymous users who log on just to talk about their feelings and have someone who'll leave them an understanding comment. They talk about family trouble, marital problems and Failures in love and Business. So much frustration pent up, so much angst to release....Why? Where's the shoulder to cry on, friend to reply on? People turn to anonymous identities on orkut/Facebook/HI5 and what not upcoming social networking tools which serves as a vent to the creepy crazy depressed maniac inside. Of course, im leaving out the regular people who are anonymous purely for the sake of the above kinds of people not lurking around in their profiles. Are there really so many creeps living amongst us?
Time and growing insensitivity is not my only complain. Gifting has lost so much of its meaning... Diwali gifts have begun pouring in at home... Vases, Candles, Bowls, Dinner sets. the same routine every year... get and pass on. Whats more important is not the gift per se, its the visiting card that accompanies it.
I love gifts. I love giving people things and I love getting gifts too. For me whats more important is seeing the person's expressions on opening the gift, its that sense of satisfaction which creates enthusiasm for gifting. Gifts needn't be big on money or value or size, they should just be big on love. For the last 3 years, I've been getting greeting cards from Prafful, a small pen or pocket diary or chocolate from my old buildings watchman who never forgets. They mean as much to me as the Azzaro perfume gifted to me by my best friend.
All in all, I hate that we all take so many things for granted around us, so many chances to make a phone call/hug someone/meet a friend we miss, so many things we think in our head we leave there due to circumstances/time/ or simply being lazy.
I would've thought that considering the number of mediums of communication that have opened up, we'd be more in touch.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Never mind that Bobby as he is known, spurned his Indian name (Piyush) at age 5, insisted on being called Bobby after a character in the hit (American) tv show "The Bradys bunch". He converted to Christianity at age 15, whilst giving up Hinduism (which he also made his wife give up). Husband and wife are now devout Christians, visiting the church every Sunday making the picture perfect American family, fit to occupy the governors chair. Did i also say that he mis-pronounced his brothers Indian name during a speech he made recently.
Why exactly are we hailing him then? No doubt he is the youngest man to have been elected tot his post, by a wide margin no less. Lets applaud him for that. And not cause he's Indian-American, because that's not what his victory is about, that's what we are making it out to be. Lets not cheer him for being the first "Indian-American" to be elected governor. Its more that obvious which half of the hyphen of Indian-american he falls on. So many people having Indian origins spurn their motherland, accrediting the places they've grown up in for their victories and accolades, which is only fair.
Another example is Sanjaya Malakar who captured everyone's hearts (and votes) during the recent American Idol. He is Indian- American too. During a post-idol interview he credited his Italian Grand father for his talent. while Indian tv and American media went berserk claiming a toothy gypsy haired Indian-American was taking over American hearts.
Geethali Norah Jones Shankar dropped her first and last names. yet we hail her and feel a sense of connection since shes our very own half Indian daughter. I can just see her making that effort to keep that half alive. Yep.
What im most annoyed about is how Indian media and people claim party to credit for someone whose never lived here, does not acknowledge his/her roots to India. why do we need to glorify individuals who have left India 30-40 years ago and perhaps never even lived here? What sort of contribution do we have to their success as Indians?
The need to glorify India and make evident her footprints in every field, every aspect of the world be it business, glamour, science, talent, research... is long gone. India has arrived on the global map since a long time... its time we revel a little.
On a completely separate note, Hoorah for Kimi!! Im been a BIG fan ever since. although Lewis has a new fan in me, although he is in a rival team. Ferrari proved that in the end, team-spirit prevailed over cut-throat competiton between two drivers of the same team.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Life is too fast paced and time is measured in terms of amount or revenue generated per minute- there’s simply no time to waste. And that’s the price we pay - time. We’re all so swept up in work and spending most of our time commuting that there’s no “ME” time. I think this phenomenon is fast spreading to other metros as well… people just don’t have time for themselves, their families or their bodies.
That said, Mumbai is a city that reverberates with the heartbeat of the millions of Mumbaikars, with their undying spirit and enthusiasm. Festivals and Religious beliefs are celebrated with aggressive enthusiasm, fasts are observed in spite of hectic schedules, Ganesh and Diwali are observed with fervent prayers and unshakable faith.
Lovers must love Mumbai I'm sure! PDA’s are a strict no-no, yet they find some isolated Nana Nani park or rock on Bandstand or behind an umbrella on Marine Drive to spend those precious moments together… where beggars, policemen and hawkers are considered but a small obstacle.
You don’t need lots of money or financial backing to succeed in Mumbai. This of course is limited to your definition of success, but all you need is steadfast dedication, ambition, relentless determination and ability to use the resources available to you. Mucchad Paanwala is a small corner street Paanwala who is now world famous. K Rustoms is a decrepit looking store next to Churchgate station selling ice creams for decades. Some of the best Bhel Puri and Vada Pav wala’s in Mumbai are small little stands, who people visit from all over Mumbai.
Noisy, dirty, cramped and overpopulated it may be, Mumbai is my city and I LOVE it. For the people who hold your hand whilst your running to get into a train, for the beggar who stops and helps you stand up when you trip, for the little kid in the train selling you rubber bands, for the thousands of people who took unknown people in their homes on 9/11, for all of us who weather heavy rain and horrid sun to make it to work everyday, for the B.E.S.T. bus conductors who inform you in advance when your stop is expected, for the Mamu’s you pay when you get caught breaking a signal, for the never-say-die attitude, for marine drive and sea walks and the rain and Jumbo king Pav and Esselworld and blink-and-you’ll-miss-em winters and for never ending BMC squabbles and what not. I love Mumbai.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
These boys stay in a chawl about 15 minutes from my house and would come walking hand in hand or hand on shoulder each week to collect their cassettes and papers. One of them, Prafful is the one who is the person I’m referring to in my first sentence. There are so many things I love about him, and I'm unsure of where to start. Let me just tell you a few things about him and you can figure it out yourself…
He always has a smile on his face. There were times I walked in home, possibly from a bad day at work, and I would be greeted with a “Hi Kashi Ahes” (Hi! How are you! ) accompanied by a radiant smile - the kind that brings only happiness with it, I felt ashamed immediately of letting trivial inconsistencies have gotten the better of me.
He always looks in the precise direction where I’m standing, I could be standing at the far end of the room or have entered from behind him, but he looks almost at me… Its not only me, it could be anyone in the room… the persons voice is his identification and he has a keen sense of presence, of being tuned into each and every movement made, each noise he heard. If I turned the page of a book he’d ask me which book it was and what it was about... It was almost like he dint even need his eyes had they been there…I felt like we take simple things like having a functional body and senses for granted.
He is always neatly dressed. You don’t need fancy expensive clothes to be hygienic, clean and be pleasing in your appearance.
He can joke about his blindness... One evening both Kailash and Prafful stayed a little longer than expected since my mom served them tea and sweets…on which Prafful says to my mom “Madam we’d better leave now, its turning dark. This Kailash turns completely blind when its dark” of course my mom was confused (weren’t they both blind?) on which Prafful explained that he is completely blind no matter what time of the day it is, but Kailash feels a gleam of light in his eyes which goes when its dark.
Unless he tells you, you don’t know he’s blind. He never talks of it as a curse, he never wishes he wasn’t blind, he never tells others how lucky they are… he’s accepted his blindness and conquered it. It does not bind him, does not hold him back form anything he wants to do, and anywhere he wants to go. His limitations are the only ones he sets for himself.
Prafful has taught me that he doesn’t need my pity. And I don’t pity him … I did initially as all of us would I guess… but he’s taught me that there’s no room for pity in his life… he doesn’t pity himself and doesn’t like others doing so.
He doesn’t look at himself as lesser gifted, or lesser able. He participates in Govinda and silently laments he wishes he could climb to the top (I want to but these boys don’t let me he says), he’s in his chawl plays and dramas which ive been invited for but sadly don’t land up going (but I will someday). He always narrates what character he plays in the drama to me - my fav was when he was shown to be a school boy who doesn’t turn up to school one day cos he feels lazy and the next day explains to the teacher that he could’nt come cos his hen delivered !!!! of course, this is funnier in Marathi accompanied by the full range of expressions.
He works as a Salesman and travels all over Mumbai trying to sell cards/stationary Ive met him on a B.E.S.T. bus one day and bought his ticket when he dint know. The minute the conductor told him his ticket had been bought, he insisted on knowing who it was and paying the person.
I respect him. And I respect the way he lives his life. I love that none of the boundaries or limitations of his life are defined either by his blindness or by any psychological barriers. I love that he dreams dreams like all of us, none that “befit” a blind boy who should dream small. I admire that he faces each day with courage and that he wants to earn well and have a good job. I take inspiration that this boy has a smile on his face, no matter what. And it’s a smile that reaches his eyes… and they don’t feel so dark anymore.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
WHAT A MOVIE. THOROUGHLY EXCITING ENTHRALLING SUPERCOOL AWESOME MINDBLOWING MIND NUMBINGLY THRILLING it is!! I spent the last three days recounting dialogues to whoever would listen (and whoever wouldn’t as well). I quote a few of my favorites -
Xerxes - “Imagine what horrible fate awaits my enemies when I would gladly kill any of my own men for victory”
King Leonidas to Xerxes - “And I would die for mine”
Queen Gorgo to King Leonidas - “Come back with your shield or on it.”
King Leonidas to Astinos (Astinos is dying, right beside the king and says “My king its an honour to die by your side”)
King Leonidas says “And its an honour to have lived by yours”
King Leonidas - “Immortals….we’ll put their name to test”
[Dilios is putting a patch over his eye]
King Leonidas: “Dilios, I trust that "scratch" hasn't made you useless”
Dilios: “Hardly, my lord, it's just an eye. The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare”
[Xerxes standing atop a hill watching his "Immortal"army being slaughtered by the Spartans"
Dilios: “Immortals, they failed the king's test, and a man who fancies himself a god feels a very human chill crawl up his spine.”
Just realized id probably be trying to narrate the entire movie here if i dont stop. The movie is filled with awespiring dialogue after dialogue. Throughout the movie i had goosepimples and a fast pacing heart only because the movie just stuns you with its magnificence not only in terms of the script but also by the brilliant cinematography. This movie has apparently been shot in 60 days, but underwent one year of editing to get the visual effects right. And right it is. Its a visual delight.
I must admit that I’m strangely distracted now and feeling that rush of euphoria after I had watched the movie. All I know is that this is a movie worth all the blood and gore and is also a MUST own.
Right now I say to myself “Calm down girl”.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Im a fairly optimistic person and can generally smile through most events that happen. Inconsistencies of life bemuse me and I don’t shy away from what I set myself up for, or don’t, or what’s thrown at me whether or not I deserve it anyway. I mean that’s what life’s all about isn’t it? Dealing with speed breakers and pot holes and flying objects out of nowhere that you dint expect and still come out standing.
Anyway im gonna stop sounding like a wet blanket now and get a move on things. The Nomad has very sweetly provided me with the cd’s of Gone with the wind (read it, not watched it) and Little Miss Sunshine (not watched this one either). Im also mid way through The Fine Balance am thoroughly engrossed though reading it right now is just making things seem bleaker than they are.
Sunshine - thanks for leaving that really sweet comment. Im just missing my little kid brother whose not too well and away at boarding. This is him all of 7 years old posing for a passport photo. How I wish I could turn back time.
And Jack - How can someone be so nice? I dint comment on your post simply because i couldnt. Someone saw that post at work and told me I'm lucky cos "men are generally jerks". lol
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
It was a FEAST for the watchers - unpredictably predictable (India -Pak are always a roller coaster). ROCKING ROLLING. SURELY WINNING. almost lost. GOT BACK INTO IT. SIX SIX FOUR. maybe we'll lose. Wicket. Wicket. MAYBE. JUST MAYBE.SIX. oh my god.
Last over. COME ON INDIA. Hearts pacing. Everyone on their feet. DOT BALL. come on. come on. Fingers tracing GANESH pendant. Drink spilling. HAND HOLDING. almost won. NEARLY lost. wicket. did u say wicket?? wicket. wicket. ohmygod. wicket. WICKET! We won!!
Chest Pumping EVERYONE HUGGING. Thanking the Almighty. We WON. :)
Cricket in India isnt only about our team winning, its in the eyes of the people - the one's that did not watch the match out of superstition ( namely, my folks among many others, who sincerely believe that whenever they watch a match, we lose), wore the same clothes or sat in the same position for three hours, its in the love of the liftmen/watchmen and cab drivers who were huddled close to the transistor waiting ardently for that magical moment. In the sound of the crackers lit by the chawl outside my house in sheer celebration. In the hearts of the country who goes to great lenghts too see us win.
Many thanks to our office admin team who sent us an email saying we could leave at 4.00 p.m yesterday :)
Renewed interest and female fan frenzy are the least of the things Twenty 20 brings with it. The new format has taken off well and makes for truly action packed, paisa vasool action.
ESPN hiked the rates of advertising in the last 10 secondsof the match by over 250%. wow. BCCI announced 20 million dollars prize money for our team. Yuvraj Singh got ONE CRORE. phew. New stars are born.
A new team India bubbling with youth energy enthusiasm aggression passion and dreams is here. Make way.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
So, here's what i liked about the movie -
- I got to watch it tax free so i paid less than all y'all hehehe
- SRK dint have some woman he was trying to woo
- There were no unnecessary songs
- SRK had a supporting role to 16 fiesty young women
- The women dint have make up, and only one of them is a professional model.
- The dormitory and Locker rooms dint look like 5 star hotels.
- The women looked like they knew what they were doing.
- They lost to the men's team but still won.
- The men raised their hockey sticks in appreciation of the women.
- That Preeti Sabhrawal dumps Mr. Vice Captain.
- That Komal Chautala speaks really adorably. "oy laundya usko bata" or "Thana jana ya sorry manjur"
- That the women beat the bejabbers out of the eve teasers
- That all the people in the hall started clapping each time the women scored a goal in the WC matches.
- That Komal passes to Preeti "Dikha de us londay ko"
- That my heart was beating out of my chest in the Penalty shootout
- That Preeti gives Komal her penalty shot
- That everyone clapped hard at the end of the movie
All in all, Im satisfied. I have a very low tolerance threshold for movies, they must be really impressive for me to like them. I dont like average, mindless movies. Sometimes the movies i like are duds at the box office... This one does both. impress me and notch up the numbers!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
I've grown up by the sea... and its always been special to me. When asked in slam books and other truth and dare / random questions - "would you rather live by the mountains or the sea" pat would come the answer "the sea" without a doubt, without a blink of the eye. It was never in doubt.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Casual friendships may come and go,
Much as currents ebb and flow,
The swells and ripples that they make,
Leave mingled emotions in their wake.
I also spent Saturday morning visting Lalbaug cha Raja. One of Mumbai’s more loved Ganpati’s. Also one of the only to pass through Muslim areas and worshiped by them. Amidst much pushing shoving jostling stepping on toes I got up on stage and said a little prayer. Its so strange, I always have in my mind a few things I want to ask god for strength to accomplish, forgive me for etc but when im there, in front of him im overcome with strange silence and goose pimples and tears spring to my eyes as though it is enough for me just to stand in his space, and that, that itself is enough to give me strength to brave another year of trials and tribulations.
Later, I met another friend of mine from junior college, someone I had drifted away from… but we had spent many a night watching ally mc beal, listening to Annies song, wondering if Mr. perfect still exists. We recently got back in touch and it was like Magic. Like those last four years of not knowing what we’ve been up to has changed nothing.
For some friends drift with the changing tide,
They come on strong and then subside.
Soon to crash upon the shore,
Disappear to be seen no more.
Others are strong enough to stand,
The drifting tide and the shifting sand.
Is just so ironic, 2 friends - one old one new. And yet, having found both mean so much to me that time seems inconsequential. I just know that I want to spend many many evenings hanging out, losing track of time talking, watching Dirty Dancing for the umpteenth time, Friday nights after a long hard days work at a new place or an old place or any place doing what we did.
Affinity of mind and heart,
Love much more than a token,
Understood, yet unspoken.
A common bond, a mutual goal,
An understanding heart and soul
A hand outstretched in time of need,
A thoughtful and a friendly deed.
Sunday I went to visit my little brother at Boarding, after a break of 2 months. I miss him so. Sleeping uninterrupted at night with no random arms and legs landing on me is something I am not used to yet.
Monday morning, and although im back to my irritable “mornings-should-start-at-11a.m” mood I have this strange satisfaction. Of having pulled two strings closer to myself, of being allowed to share two more lives, of being allowed the joy of having found something that I know, is for keeps.
These little things that mean so much,
Are strokes of friendships golden touch.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
TV - Time 10.10 p.m.
· NDTV - (habits makes me switch news channels on first) Uma Khurana - Fake expose. The accused is now wronged. Poor middle class school teacher lost her pride and reputation thanks to some reporter woman and a stupid tabloid of a channel. 2 mins, repeat slide of Uma being dragged to court whilst being beaten and having her hair pulled. Flick.
· Times now - Benazir Bhutto “claiming” she is not striking a deal with President Musharraf. Linger 3-4 mins, Flick.
Enough of news channels, I think ok let me move on to something else then
· Sony TV - Unknown program. “Inspector sahab, mere pati .. something something”. Gah. 22 whole seconds. Flick.
· Star Plus - Unknown program, although I think it was Kasturi cos that was the main womans name. (tip - to indentify main woman in show, locate woman whose marriage everyone else is tyring to break and whose family is beginning to lose trust in her. She also would be the one with a tense/crying/worried look on her face, and would also be trying single handedly to face the wrath of 4785645 villains whose life aim is focused around destroying her life. 3 minutes. Flick.
· Channel V - ads for a whole 20 second I think. Flick
· MTV - random song from unknown random movie. Flick.
· Zoom - Mickey Mehta answering a question on “ MIcky, pls tell me a good exercise to lose weight” from Anon, Mumbai. Micky (the holistic health guru) - “Hi, the best exercise to lose weight is any exercise… blah” I caught the name of the show due to small icon on bottom left of screen - “Maximum style diva” shouldve been reason enough to flick. Flick.
· Discovery Travel and Living - AHHHHH. Biker build off re-run watched before in regular tv viewing days. Flick.
By now, im in the “just giving tv one last chance” mode.
· (Don’t remember which.) sports channel - Twenty 20 match b/w West Indies and South Africa. Chris Gayle just hits a six that looks like its probably out of the country by now. This was nice. Watched for half an hour, was time for bed. Flick. Off.
Wasn’t too hard was it? Why I don’t watch tv!
OOH just remembered cute little limerick on tv -
"In the house,
of Mr and Mrs. Spouse,
He and she would watch tv,
and never a word between them spoken,
until the day the set was broken,
suddenly, who're you? said she to he -
Im Spouse said he to she,
Why mine's the ..
But they never really did find out,
cos the set came suddenly right about"
Note to self - Cant resume tv viewing habit.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Its a pattern for me. At my previous company too, i worked with one boss for 3 months, she quit, we shifted floors, he quit, I quit (else would've shifted floors again). Here i am, job # 2, I work for 3 months, he quits, she quits, we shift floors, he quits, we shift floors again. YIKES. i feel like a yo yo. i wonder IF this boss quits too, will we shift floors again?! maybe I should just quit and end the cycle eh?
Ive spoken about this before too, this degree of comfort which is required to get me to go somewhere for a min of 8 hrs a day, nearly 320 days a year. I need to orient myself to the smallest things - for eg my previous floor had incandescent light and nicely painted yellow pillars which mad3 it very lively. this floor (which i was on in the 1st place) has tube lights and a dull white and dark blue setting. GAH. even things like direction of seating, computer, leg space are big on importance.
Its just very unsettling, every one's either quit, quitting or wanting to quit! Everyone complains of complacency, frustration, low pay etc. But to be honest, I have friends who are senior position wise, who are earning much more (and commensurate with their post/experience etc) and still complaining about their pay. While i think reaching a point where your satisfied with your job and life is dangerous (i think there should ALWAYS be a little wind space between completely content and where you are currently) i also think that there are certain things that will just not change - People will ALWAYS complain about money, and the fact that the company does very little for them, and that they work too much for too little etc.
Honestly I'm sick of it. Ive been in two companies i know its not much, but the grass is always greener! My first company is the "aspirational" company - i.e. people generally tend to move from here to there not the other way round like Ive done. Its supposed to be bigger better and cooler. Hogwash. while it is bigger market wise, everyone there complains about quality of work life, low pay and company nonchalance. the same problems everywhere!
I think somewhere, we need to look at ourselves, and what we are doing for the company rather than the other way round every time, maybe life will be a little better. I know mine is.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
- Liars. I can stand the truth, however hard it may be. If you lie to me, not only do you tell me that you don't love me enough, that u can look me in the eye and lie, but also that u think I'm not strong enough to tell me the truth.
- Hypocrites. I'm ok with people calling me a bitch, or any other adjectives they find suitable but to MY FACE! I can't deal with finding out someone whose sugary sweet to me on my face is calling me names behind my back. Its juvenile, cheap and means you dont have as much courage as I do.
- People who eat the top triangular tip of my samosa. geez, I save it for last people and u come yank it off and eat it?
- People who say "hai ram kitna weight put on kiya hai". I feel like saying " really I wouldn't know if 378694656 of y'all wouldnt have told me" . geez
- Bad hair days. its unbelievable how moronic u can look!
- Being home sick. (which I'm doing right now btw) it makes me write stupid posts (hehe) get exhausted taking a bath and lethargic, something I HATE feeling.
- Slapstick comedy. I prefer witty/situational comedies.
- The great suburb/south Mumbai divide. I've had endless debates over it ALL my life. and had to pass roadblocks people set up already, assuming I'm going to be a horrible snob/rich spoilt kid/arrogant egomaniac, ALL of which I'M NOT. but I've had to prove it, nonetheless.
- Confessions of a shopaholics. the book. it left such a bad taste in my mouth, that I've read 3 BRILLIANT books after, and only now can I say its off my mind. (why do people buy/write such stuff anyway?)
- People who dont spell my name with a capital letter. This little punctuation phobia, courtesy English teacher in school.
- Partially wet toes/body. I dont mind being soaked or bone dry. damp is just in between and not very nice.
- Twilight. not that I like darkness too much, but twilight I HATE. its too depressing.
- My computer at home. I think it thinks its from the seventies. I need a new one.
- People who spit/urinate/litter the streets. Where's our civic sense? Are we really that crass that godly figure heads have to be painted on walls to keep us from peeing?!
- People who think women cant play sports/drive a car. I take special pride in making some sorry ass male chauvnist pig eat his words.
- Women drivers. hehehe most of them cant reverse. someones gonna kill me for this one fer sure.
- Men who hit on you with some seedy dialogue and think they're hot stuff!
- Waiting. for anything. except maybe love.
- People who love me too much. I hurt people, I always do.
- Unclean desks. I swear, I could clean clean clean stuff and get a huge kick out of it. I'm beginning to sound more and more hormonal with each bullet aren't I?
- (Most) Politicians. I shall end this one here.
- Murphy's law. mailto:#$%%$&#*&@!#%&(^$
- Overly aggresive people. if people are being nice, why don't u try the same? it might work u know.
- Women who lose it after a break up. most of them think he wasnt worth it after, but then make a wreck outta themselves anyway.
- People who dont get the concept of "space".
- (diam, most of the things I hate r some form of people. geez, shall try focussing on "stuff")
- South Bombay aunties who "size" you up in the elevator. I'm sorry, but how exactly do you raise your left hand with that (uggh) (boulder sized) ring on it?
- Cats. (I'm tempted to say dogs too, but at least they look cute in pictures)
- Falling sick. for a person who hates it, I sure do that a lot :(
- Long distance relationships. dont be fooled by how late in the bullets this came. I LOATHE DETEST ABHOR HATE (for lack of more adjectives signifying "hate") long distance relationships.
- Carbs. biatch. they just find their way to your butt.
- Things I hate lists. do we really need to know what you hate? or I hate? errr..
On that note, over and out. im gonna get back to.. err.. doing nothing. as being sick means I get tired at the drop of a hat, can't watch much tv, am done reading 2 GREAT books have just written a blog post (which I think in hindsight, I'lll delete later as a "what was I thinking when I put this crap up" post.) lol. cya!
Monday, August 27, 2007
A book I feel any one us could write. Its simple, yet complex. Each paragraph can get me thinking for days on end. This one for instance, Ive been thinking about since a while now
It answers so many things - referring to my “And now forever's come and gone” post… Its like that’s exactly what I was trying to say.. forever is contextual, conditional and finite. Infinity of mind and heart, love much more than a token.. understood yet unspoken. Poetic babble. After all, a poem/story on REAL life with its time bound love finite infinity wouldn’t really get you teary eyed would it?
I like the way it ends - “Its enough that i make a difference NOW”. Finite as the boundaries seem, contextual as the words maybe it’s the “Now” that’s forever. When I look at someone who used to be a BIG part of my life and see a stranger, I no longer yearn for what we had, the friendship we shared or for the same look in their eyes. Because that was Then, and this is NOW. Instead, I have in my mind a replay of my favorite memory with that person, or the one sentence they’ve said to me ill always remember, and a smile creeps up to my face. No ne can take that away! Someone (random article in paper) had once said that some thoughts seem limitless in the mind and when said out aloud, seem to shrink into triviality. i beg to differ, revisiting old memories filefoldered away in your mind makes them larger than life and what does shrink in fact the physical realm... the actual "now" cos it feels like "then" and a scale change of time - 1second of real time = an hour of past time in fact, does not in fact shrink thoughts! [Now all i need to do is get a hold of who wrote that and give him/her a piece of my mind :)]
No boundaries, time limits or contextuality will ever take that away. The vividness of some memories is enough to be “forever” in the true sense of the term. I can remember to alarming detail certain memories which I hold dear to me… I remember the time the place the look in the persons eye, the curve of the smile, the vulnerability of the face, the trace of the fingers.. things which have happened 3-4-5-7 years ago even. And I have a feeling always will.
So something’s forever - the memories, that dull ache in your heart and stomach when you see that so-close-yet-so so far person, that place in your mind which safely stores these memories to pull out when your missing someone, or just feel like your losing faith in “forever”. Look inside, go back in time, go to your favorite memory, your greatest hug, your favorite person, the one you cried for most, the one who made you laugh the most, the one you think you’ll always yearn for, the look in your grannies eyes when you leap into her lap, your first kiss, first dance in the rain, ( clearly, I could go on) and you’ll find forever. Right there.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Aww!!!!! not that im a big dog lover, but these pups are ADORABLE! if anyone thinks they can find them a home, pls call on the numbers mentioned! (No, they r not mine, this picture was taken outside a store )
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Happy Independance day?
Its strange that most of our architectural wonders, heritage buildings, (Army Navy bldg, Fort, VT terminus) are built by the British. Also our Rail/Postal services were set up by them too.
Before i sound like im on "their" side, im not. I only think that they left us with a lot of good infrastructure, architecture and fundamental layouts.
Coming back to Happy Independance day. I wonder how many of us value what it means, how many of us truly would die for our country if the need ever arose, how many of us actually sing the national anthem when it plays before the start of a movie ( i do, and have been laughed at many a time). The other day i happened to make plans with a friend for wednesday night, just to catch up it hd been a while. A minute into the discussion as to wher we should go had him hit his hand on his head and say "oh shit its a dry day i think". No offence or anythign, but this is a reaction i would expect from most people (who like to drink i.e.). BUt the larger picture is that its our Independance day! Its the day India opened her eyes and brought to the world the first glimpse of the soon to be largest democracy. 60 yrs on, it stil persists. Much to the chagrin of all the people and world leaders who thought democracy would die with Nehru .
Indian democracy will always find someone. Not that i have much faith n the current set of politicians/leaders/government officers/anybody in power for that matter. Neither do i have faith in the poor gullible uneducated janta who gets swayed by some starry promises of regularising slums built beyond 1996 so that they get to keep their homes, or regular supplies of water, or buying farm land at a price that ia reasonable and just, or other such castles in the sky promised by filthy money laudering vite grabbing politicians. Ill commend the stupidity of their actions though, after all, being stupid to such extremes is also an art.
What im talking about is a yr ago or 2 was it? Mr Karunanidhi gave away 25,000 color tv's as part of the campaign promise. Now i can think of a hundred other places the money couldve been used but then im sure color tv's were more important right?
At least democracy ensures that we get to choose our own idiots.
Monday, August 13, 2007
This blog's going nowhere I'm tellin you now, so u might as well stop reading. don't say i dint warn ya. saw Rush hour 3 some time back. HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. Chris Tucker is a gangsta dude!
Am i strange that some music makes me melancholy? i was in this gigantic happy mood sometime back cos i met a very dear friend, watched a fun film, discovered i could say "Mutual funds are subject to market risks, please read the offer document carefully before investing" nearly as fast as they say it in the advertisements. yep. i got an alternate career option baby! Voice overs here i come :)
Suddenly my mood seems to have switched stations. Women have this strange tendency to be able to vacillate between highs and lows in a matter of seconds. right now I'm thinking of everything that's wrong with my life and what not.Was thinking about the word "forever" for a while. how many times Ive been told we'd be friends "forever" or he/she'd love me "forever" or you'll "always" be special to me. its funny how this seemingly infinite time frame comes with an outer limit. forever..it comes and goes.. it doesn't stay forever.. in hindsight, of all the people who told me they'd love me "forever" there are less than a handful that are still in my life - or is it just that "forever" is circumstantial.ill love you "forever" as long as i think we might have a future, or we'll be friends "forever" i.e. until we both find someone better? i dint make this mistake. I'm too much of a realist to have told anybody that I'd "anything" them "forever" .
Not that i don't like meeting people or making new friends - its inbuilt in my system to do so. but there's something about an old friend or someone/something you've been in love with that i just wanna go back to sometimes - go back to an old photograph, get inside, hold the person and not let go. How many places are bookmarked with a memory so surreal, that u almost revisit it every time u sit in that chair, or that rock near the sea or that theatre.. how many songs are entwined with the people they remind you of..
So if the "forever" people aren't there anymore, how do you shrug the rest of the things off?
Friday, August 10, 2007
What really bugged me was that kids today are entering all the spectra of life which should infact be occupied only by adults. A month ago there was an article in the paper speaking (very proudly) about a new beauty salon for kid’s aged up to 12/15 im not sure. This salon has posh facilities and does all the services a regular parlor would do - blow drying hair, streaking, wash, haircuts etc.
Just what we needed. Kids to start obsessing about straightening their hair and getting David Beckham hair cuts from age 6. As if Television hadn’t caused enough damage.
Also, you enter places like Polly Esther (which used to be my FAV Fri. night place cos they played retro) or RA or Red Light and its full of these 15-17 something year old girls and boys dressed like they’re 25 smoking and drinking. The advice I want to give them I wont mention here cos it would make me sound like a complete aunty. No offence to any aunties :)
As a kid I remember racing out of the house the minute I had any free time. TV according to me was a waste of time, not a luxury. Between school, sports and reading books I dint have time for much else. Fast forward to today - I have a sibling many years younger, and it worries me that kids as old as 6-8 years old have their own ipod’s in my building. Recently one girl threw her birthday party in the Eros Mini theatre. Her back presents were DVD’s. Seriously. They aren’t kids anymore - they’re little adults.
I hate that. I enjoyed being a kid well into my teens and still very proudly preserve large parts of it. Its some thing I told my brother - u have all your life to be an adult, but only these few years to be a kid! Don’t hasten the process.
The last straw came when we were at a family outing at the club, and I happen to love the swings there - always have. So I tell my brother well go sit and he looks at me incredulously and says “Tai, im not a kid anymore” like I had asked him the most absurd thing. My heart broke right there. A) for all the reasons ive listed above and B) I dint ever want my baby brother to grow up. He’s 14 now, and I insist on treating him like he’s 9. Now he’s begun to be ok with it only cos he get’s so many freebies. Poor me. :(
Anyway - to shift from the topic and since the venting is done with - I suffered a HUGE blow to my ego last night which I must put down here only so that the public acceptance/embarrassment will motivate me to set things right. Since a gap of 2 months at gym last night I had a horrible time getting through my workout - had to reduce reps and poundage and felt utterly disappointed. There was a time when people would envy my workout. Last night was horrible. And the weighing scale says +2. :( Result of my own actions no doubt.
So here it is - exactly 3 months from today, on the 10th of Nov is when I have to post back and I have to have gained what I think in my mind is my form and exceeded my previous workout limits. The “Else” part of this statement I can’t come up with.
Think last night and writing about it now is inspiration enough.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Whoever coined that word is a genius. It truly is. Maniac would describe my state of mind right now. Getting back to work after 2 whole days of lazing around is truly a punishment. There also seem to be so many things to be irritated about. Derth of good movies, return of the withdrawal symptoms, too many birthdays to shop for, morning paper came late, lunch was cold. Argghhh.
Desk jobs aren’t my thing. I should’ve been a motivational speaker or something. Or any job that involved talking and giving advice. Another thing I hate is when people know what their own problem is and instead of accepting it and moving on, saying “I’m like this I cant help it”. It bugs me. Don’t people know that acceptance is the first step towards recovery!!
I seem to be full of things im bugged with right now. It’s the Monday effect I tell you. I've begun having Monday morning blues from Saturday night itself. Won’t be far off when ill be depressed about Monday from Friday itself. Jeez.
Random thought just struck me, I wonder if my client has a blog. If she does im sure her entries will be one liners without punctuations and greetings. Actually she’s quite nice. Client servicing somehow instills this ability to make even the nicest clients look/sound/appear either like a complete dimwit or like the wicked witch from the west. I don’t remember the last time I met someone who had NO complains about his/her client. To be fair, if I did, I would think the person’s round the twist. I mean we aren’t supposed to like our clients!
Im being mean aren’t I? But what’s there, being nasty is therapeutic sometimes . Right now i need all the help i can get to snap out of this *mood*. Danger -thin ice.
The only thing cheering me up right now is this beautiful picture of Mumbai Meri Jaan.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday i had to say goodbye to someone... something i had been dreading since a long time. Goodbyes are temporary things i feel.. cos the person never really goes away.. he just makes the transition from the physical world to the little one inside my head, where things are more fun anyway. Heck, Roger Fedrer is my neighbour for cryin out loud! I managed miserably cracking some strange (im sorry) jokes about haircuts, gym, flab tyres and what not.
So this goodbye was accompanied by a beautiful drive through the rain. Just what the doctor ordered. "Give these part-ees one rainsoaked ferociously beautiful day" rain for me and Sun for him. (alas, he's a sunshine person)
Also, this innate ability to say "Im ok" with a facefull of tears is something im trying to overcome. but c'mon d'you really expect me to say "No i'm not you big galoot, im miserable, dont go ill die without you, who'll do thisnthat (make quotes about kind thoughtful actions performed by the individual) for me", accompanied by more bawls? come to think of it, it might actually help. must try next time. maybe gifts will accompany. men are gullible anyway. slightest sign of tears and theyre thinking "whatdoidowhatdoido, i swear i dint mean it, its all my fault, your pretty" etc. heh heh
Its the persons fault anyway. the going away-er is the one to blame. who asked them to decide to make their life millions and millions of miles away when all they've ever needed is right here? why should the stay-back-er have to bear this unpallitative painlessness that separation brings? lol.
Apparently, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
So last evening i travelled by the famed "Ladies special" train - this is a ladies only train at 6.00 in the evening to help women get home at peak hours a little safer. Generally trains at this time are jam packed to the extent that only experienced travellers can master the art of getting on and staying on.
What i will remember most about my journey to the suburbs tday was somethign ive witnessed ofte befre - There was this young girl maybe 6 yrs old selling Bangles on the train. while she should be in school and probably does'nt know reading or writing, shes trained in bargining and adding subtracting the sum shes to be paid for her wares. I was saddened to see money being exchanged to and fro from the hands of such a small child - being exposed to commercialism at such a young age... what i really wanted to see in her hands was a toy or sweets - anythign other than money... and a smile wouldve been icing on the cake.
Her eyes had this wistfulness - one that only relfects when a person has resigned to her fate, a lack of "desire" a feeling she's not supposed to feel cos it will only lead to despair. these kids are taught not to "want" anything. that moment i realized that i had some Mithai (Indian sweets) in my bag and beckoned her to come to me... misunderstanding my intentions as wanting to buy somethign from her, she gave me her little basket .. when i told her "Nahi Chahiye" (dont want) she looked at me skeptically as no one mustve ever asked o speak to her unless they wanted to buy somthgin from her.
She came reluctantly cos i widened my smile to let her know its ok and also opened the box of sweets from my bag. what followed then was magic. i held out the bggest sweet i could find a grubby unsure hand took it from me. she slid away to a corner from where she kept sneaking glances at me. when she first put it into her mouth and realized she liked it, she looked at me and there t was - the hint of a smile..which eventually widended. at the time, the sun shone through the window of the train and she gave me this beautiful half toothed smile.
Needless to say, i was grinning like a fool by then.. cos i saw it - that innocence i was mourning the lack of. that very instant with the sun in her hair and that broken toothed smile - her eyes had this fiery streak of innocence wishing it could break out... she looked at me on and off till i got off the train.
Thats what it took- one small sweet, and one big grin neither of which cost much. small price to pay for innocence regained isnt it?
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Untitled - Anon
Some say love is a river,
That drowns the tender reed,
Some say love is the razor,
That leaves the heart to bleed..
Some say love is a hunger,
An aching endless need
I, say love is a flower,
And YOU its only seed.
Its the dream afraid of waking,
That never takes a chance,
It’s the heart afraid of breaking,
That never learns to dance,
The one who can’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
The soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live.
When you’ve grown too weary and the road seems too long,
And you begin to think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Remember – that in the winter, far beneath the winter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the suns help
in the summer, Becomes the Rose