Same sh*t, different day

U HAD to BE here to believe it. These are'nt bad resolution pictures - thats how the weather was!! Rain lovers in Mumbai - head to Lonavla/Khandala ASAP!! Of course, be sure to witness full aunty-uncle-tinku-minku type crowd, but so long as u got your little coterie with you, your set.

The expressway from the eating place at Dukes Retreat - the clouds completely shadow the hills that lie beyond.

Justttt before it started pouring and I could see this no more.
Its amazing - how a change of scenery can just put things into perspective. I came away from a small day and a half long picnic with a calm realization of the battle that lies forth, and how much introspection lay impending - and ignored.

Do we actually reach a point in our lives when past experiences shadow future endeavours? Off late I seem to have proved everyones point - that I did live in a bubble, and being too much of an optimist and hoping against hope is for fools, that ONE day I will wake up with a eerie realization - 'I'm no longer that crazy optimist I used to be, Realism and Pessimism have overshadowed my dreams and longs and expectations'

Do we reach a point in our lives that we're so scarred that every experience seems like a re-run of the past? And if it isnt, well still feel that cause once bitten, twice shy? Should you learn from past experience and guard yourself better, or should you give new people/new situations a fair chance to get to know the real, soft, unedited, vulnerable you?

If you learn from each experience you go through and figure - 'I need to toughen up' - you may toughen up so much that no one will ever reach a point that they can hurt you. I wouldnt want this.

Else, if you DONT learn from each experience and continue being the same, you'd just be allowing people and situations to get the better of you and continue hurting. I wouldnt want that either.

What about the people you hurt along the way? The people who did no wrong except allow themselves to be caught up in your mess? Can you pass it off by saying that that's their battle, just like you have yours? Or should you not have allowed that person to get caught up in your entangled, entwined mind?

Where's that fine line? Between holding on to youself and letting go? Between loving someone and falling in love? Between learning from the past and looking forward to the future? Between being independent and fiercely guarded to learning to depend and share? I would really like to cross over to the other side....

Coincidences anyone?

IT RAINED YESTERDAY!! And I, as someone rightly put it.. was in the right place at the right time. No coincidences this time, NO SIREEE! I was MEANT to be out when it rained first, it was a deal we'd made. Oh Joy!! Ive waited waited waited for it to rain again, and was counting down until it did!

Standing in the awning of Pheonix mills, i could barely contain my excitement. This thrill spread from head to toe.. i wanted to run into the rain, get soaked, splash into puddles, hug someone, yell out loud, get wet, get dry, go mad, wash off the past, bring in the new and top it off with a swiss hot chocolate from Barista. (with whipped cream on the side)

Never mind that this morning the sky is clear as clear could be, the excitement built up in me will tide me over for the next few days at least. Or when it begins to fade, maybe god can send me a shower :)

Ive done it before.. again and again and again ... talk about how much I LOVE the rain!
Its a complete treat for a romantic like me. The clouds which spell gloom and lethargy for some, mean dreamy, ecstatic fun for me. I left a lot of things undone the last rains, (somewhich i know will remain undone, for those are FAR too dreamy), but im determined to-do the others this time around. So here's my checklist -

• Sit at Marine Drive in the midst of a complete downpour, then walk down to Pizzeria and have a hot deep dish pizza.
• Sit in the corner window of a bookstore while it pours outside with a nice cup of chaii. How i wish Chabar had a window view, for they have brilliant ginger chaa.
• Drive down to Lonavla and back the same day. In all fairness, this was done the last time around too, but there are some things that just need to be repeated.
• Go to water kingdom on a rainy day. yipeee! MUST DO
• Spend all day getting wet, then get dry and have a nice cosy dinner with wine and fondue at Moshe.
• Have breakfast at U.S. Club in the smallshed near the Golfers Shop
• Drive around while it pours outside with a Caffe Caramello with whipped cream in my hand, and MUSIC (80's/ 90's english would be the cherry on the cake).
• Go to Aksa beach in the evening, get drenched, and then Vertigo for a drink :)

Phew. :)

Cloudy dreamy Aksa

Cloudy overcast skies, and the raging tide. In the next half an hour, where i was standing as i clicked this photograph was not visibe any more.

Of Cotton Candy Clouds

Ok ill admit, this is a low resolution picture. Was taken from a bus ride home, while the bus was in motion, simply because the clouds were spread across the sky like little cotton pods waiting to be picked! None of the giant mass-like clouds were visible that day, just these little cloud-lets. :)

Rainy day in South Mumbai

21st Floor, Wont mention building name. I wish this was the view from my house (instead its one very very lucky friend). The World Trade center. 30 floors something. Awespiring!

BIATCH.

A Befitting last day...

I am fairly terrible at saying goodbye's - specially to people i love. "Replacement therapy" is my tactic. i "replace" the sadness with some other highly inappropriate trademarks of mine - humour, sarcasm or plain obliviousnessness.

Sunday i had to say goodbye to someone... something i had been dreading since a long time. Goodbyes are temporary things i feel.. cos the person never really goes away.. he just makes the transition from the physical world to the little one inside my head, where things are more fun anyway. Heck, Roger Fedrer is my neighbour for cryin out loud! I managed miserably cracking some strange (im sorry) jokes about haircuts, gym, flab tyres and what not.

So this goodbye was accompanied by a beautiful drive through the rain. Just what the doctor ordered. "Give these part-ees one rainsoaked ferociously beautiful day" rain for me and Sun for him. (alas, he's a sunshine person)

Also, this innate ability to say "Im ok" with a facefull of tears is something im trying to overcome. but c'mon d'you really expect me to say "No i'm not you big galoot, im miserable, dont go ill die without you, who'll do thisnthat (make quotes about kind thoughtful actions performed by the individual) for me", accompanied by more bawls? come to think of it, it might actually help. must try next time. maybe gifts will accompany. men are gullible anyway. slightest sign of tears and theyre thinking "whatdoidowhatdoido, i swear i dint mean it, its all my fault, your pretty" etc. heh heh

Its the persons fault anyway. the going away-er is the one to blame. who asked them to decide to make their life millions and millions of miles away when all they've ever needed is right here? why should the stay-back-er have to bear this unpallitative painlessness that separation brings? lol.

Apparently, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.

A love affair..

I'm sitting at my desk.. gazing longingly at the rain outside..its playing hide and seek with me.. this rain. This morning i took a cab to work thinking ill have a pleasant ride to work in a car with pouring rain. No sooner did i reach my office building than it started raining. no fair.

One of my fondest memories of the rain is this one time when a couple of my friends J, SK and I decided to walk to Gaylord (Pastry shop) in the pouring rain, to have a chocolate tart. (no thanks to a tart a day, i got fatter by 10 kgs). so the three of us are walkin in the pouring rain. i was of course skipping a step and going "wheee". rain=puddles=must splash. Hence. (just setting the context for what your gonna read next)

Poor me, I was just following the unwritten rule. "see a puddle, splash someone!" so i let out a powerful swing of my leg splashing K with (what i thought was) puddle water. Turns out the puddle had ne tiny coating of water and was mostly mud. so K was naturally furious that his "GAP" jeans now had a nice mud linign all the way down one side. being wet is ok, but being muddy is unacceptbele. (i say pish tosh, get wet get muddy, get downright dirty and stop whining - Its the only way to enjoy 'em rains).

So after spending the appropriate amount of time expressing apologies over the dirty jeans, we moved on. we reach Gaylords, nearly TASTING the tarts just from the smell. we even reached the point of ordering when we all realized that NONE of us had our wallets. (smartypants that we were, we had left our bags with someone coward enough not to venture out in the rains, so that our books, discman etc dont get wet.)

Who would've guessed we would actualy have to PAY for the tart? Such a small slip of mind this.

Rollercoaster ride

Someone said somethign to me on saturday evening that set my mind on fire.

let me set the context. i was on my way home from the suburbs in a rickshaw.. the weather was just too enticing to spend in a train, or any other form of transportation from which i couldnt feel the spray of rain on my face and see the dull overcast sky.

Due to this decision, i spent close to an hour in the rickshaw and then another 2 hours in a cab, soaked, hungry, tired, thirsty but thoroughly excited, happy, and grinning from end to end. for the once in my life, being stuck in traffic, sprayed by water from cars whizzing by, being fiercely hungry, and what seemed to be a never ending journey dint seem to cloud my mind with irritation and anger like these trivial little inconsistencies in life usualy do. I'm a woman after all. im supposed to be hormonal.

Almost forgot to mention the cabbie was playing "Kaho na pyaar hai" which thrilled me to no end. pouring rain, strong winds, cheesy song, being in a car. P-E-R-F-E-C-T

Somewhere in the midst of this cab ride when i was staring out of the window humming the song and smiling to myself, The person i was travelling says to me "Its so funny, for some people its about the destination, others its about the ride".

for the next sometime i was thinking about this- its so true. "For some people it IS about the destination, others its about the ride".
Its so subjective, how u can interpret the above line. the way i see it is people who have the guts, the tenacity and the confidence to at least be able to take on challenges wont shy away from a long dwindling journey with roadblocks and speedbreakers, while people who are not so aggressive, determined and strong might just want "get-there-faster" (Chandler to Joey).
Too many of us are too afraid - too afraid to jump, to take the risk ,too afraid to discover we're in love, too afraid we might be out-of-love, too afraid to quit our jobs, too afraid to be in touch with what we actually feel, to step outside the mundane regularites that each of our lives demands of us, and take on the herculean tasks.

But thats what life requires us to do - it requires us to JUMP. To throw ourselves into situations we dont know will turn out right or not, to walk in the dark, to do that ONE thing we've always been afraid of, to love crazily foolishly and unconditionally, to trust our instincts, go against convention and make new tread paths. The way i see it - Greater the risk, sweeter the victory.

Another take on the line above - Today - the day of throw away morality, miracle pills, fast food, longer lives, one minute photos, 3 day 5 city vacations, who has time to enjoy the ride? We are too caught up with replacing regular newspapers with mini tabloids, Days of rest with one hour fix it pills, rickshaw rides to superfast locals, home made food with heat-n-eat food, loving handwritten letters with emails, personal diaries with blogs etc.When i can have breakfast in london, lunch in India and dinner in Dubai, would'nt a 3 hour journey within Mumbai bug me?

The point is to enjoy the ride - that garden u drive past today might tomorrow give way to yet another mall, the beautiful mangroves lining the sea might be paved for a parking lot, and the temple you used to secretly pray past might soon be dwarfed by the wall surrounding it.

Raindrops keep fallin...

Probably one of the oldest songs i recollect from a lazy sunday afternoon. carpenters/abba/niel diamond were the other artists my dad was..is a huge fan of. those sundays would be great.. my dad would curl up with a book and music while mom would go rest and i would be sleeping with my head on his stomach.

So..where did this song come from? it played in my car while i was drivin home from a nice dinner at Basilico. i obviously took the longer route home - the one that passed marine drive and wasnt even on the route home.

Memories like this are so comforting - at the time, life was mostly shifting houses cos we hadnt been allotted a permanent "A type" {as they call it in the defence} house yet. and i would live for those sundays - when i would curl up with an Enid Blyton and pretend to be a "BIG" girl too. i live for memories - i live for the times i have saved up in my mind- for the moments i remember so distinctly, for the places and sounds that transport me back to that world.

life was simple those days - my most prized possession was my bicycle. i took immense pride in washing it nearly EVERY single day. i would even cart it all the way up in the service elevator to the 7th floor where i was living then cos i dint wanna leave my best friend locked in a dingy garage.my room overlooked the sea - which was where this love affair with the sea began in the first place.

coming back to the rain - it kept drizzling intermittently all evening yesterday and i kept longing for it to rain.. i was yearning for that pitterpatter and the beautiful overcast romance that rain brings with it. there's somethign about sharing an umbrella - somethign about the way the guy tries to fit you in completely while not bothering abut how wet he's getting that makes an ol fool like me love the rains and pretend i dont have my own umbrella in my bag.

Rain also makes chaai taste better - its strange this. i had one of the most expensive chaai's ever - 25 rs at the Sukh Sagar. To be fair, was in the ac section and wonder of wonders they served wine! who would've ever thought. also spent a coupla minutes trying to sort out the red little thingies from the sauf while on a 2 min call with someone who happened to mention to me that i make trivial little things fascinating. how could i not make a mention of it here then.

dreamers like me live for memories - they are a part of me, they define my every action. optimism stems from this very fact - that these pictures in my mind egg me on.. they tell me that life is prettier than it seems, longer than is felt, more painful to go through than can be written about and that it IS actually worth having your heart broken once in your life.

i realize i went from rain to memories to dreams to rain again and then finally this, on this blog. but then thats what it actually is - interlocking things in the mangled mish mash of my mind.

Chocolates and wine and everything nice

I think every blog should have a "favourite things in the whole world" post. so here's mine. in NO order.

• Brownies
• walks in the rain
• Drives in the rain
• Pigeons on Marine drive
• Jude Law
• Talking to street kids - not only do some of them have really nice names, but they have the most innovative things to play with too
• Music - listening to it on my old discman, jogging at the woods thinking distant thoughts.
• The sea - think this should've been point 1 - ive grown up beside it, lived beside it. there;s nothign about the sea i dont love - the waves, the spray, the tides, the way the moon reflects. there've been countless times that ive tried to take a picture but failed miserably. its somethign ill have to be content with keeping in my mind.
• Hugs. think this is the ULTIMATE cure for any kind of feelign sad.
• Moms. shes not one person shes many.
• Chick flicks with Pizza and Pepsi in Pyjamas. though ive done it once - 5 movies back to back (Dirty Dancing, Love actually, Meet joe black, Bridget Jones diary 1 & 2 - till 5 a.m.), it was one of the most fun nights ever. we women are so gullible... specially women like me who have stars in their eyes. love shove and prince charming and kisses under the stars and what not.
• shopping, OMG im so glad i could put it so far down in the order.
• holding hands. its that feeling of being held and belonging. even if its my dads. men have such nice big comforting hands and shoulders. maybe god took into consideration that we women cry a lot.
• Compliments
• Cheesecake. any flavor. though recently its Mango
• little girls with pigtails playing oranges and lemons.
• my little brother. someone once asked me why i dont have a pet and mean ol me said "i have my brother" for this im not sorry, but i love him so :)
• Roald Dahl - Jack and the beanstalk won me a prize in an interschool poetry compettion
• Horses.
• lying down face up in my room
• Finger rings
• BIRTHDAYS! I adore birthdays especially mine! :) being queen for a day is FUN FUN FUN. I'd mention how much in advance i begin my countdown but im embarassed :)
• Maroon 5
• Free stuff/discounts/Sales!! we women LIVE for such stuff.
• Being told im right. specially by men. which is mostly the case
• GIFTS!
• Bullet points
• Photographs. memories. moments. archiving them in my mind is not always possible.
• Chaai
• Bags - Big, Large yummy totes
• Shoes!
• Pay day
• Calvin and Hobbes
• Talking (no guesses here?)

I feel like im getting out of the mood to be able to do any productive work so i better end this post NOW. more later. im building up for one of my fav topics "the great male female divide".watch this space!