Monday, January 12, 2015

2015 / 01

Its been a long long time. Blogging is one of things I always always think  of doing but never end up making time for these days. The end result is this big mumjo jumbo of words and thoughts all colliding in my mind, off beat, off rhythm and making me feel out of sync.

Life has come a long long way. I met someone new, fell in love and said "YES"! I am now 48 days away from the wedding and trying not to drown in everything life is throwing at me. That's my resolution, to let life NOT take over me. To try to be one step ahead of everything that needs to be done, to DO the things I actually need to do [Gym, blog]and not be overwhelmed by the mundane things that have all just piled up.

I remember what I used to love about this space .. it was someone safe that I could blurt out inner fears, dream dreams, reminisce, and be serendipity. I miss serendipity.

I am sad I did not document some of the best years of my life - Business school, life after, meeting the (now) fiance. I'm sad I have all those wonderful memories in my head which will slowly and surely fade with time, not being safe guarded forever by the blog. I'm sad I wont be able to relive those moments by reading about them and feel that tingle of excitement "oh i remember that!" or a dull ache of melancholy " that's when I said yes to him".

It's been not a very great day - its hard to plan a wedding from miles and miles away. It's HARD to relinquish control about planning - the older you get in life, the more organized you get and I find it extremely difficult to delegate :( It's hard to communicate with stressed out parents and not have misunderstandings. I have a lot to be thankful for, my parents are not leaving any stone unturned and I need to overcome my ego and just be better and more patient. This is why I need to blog - so I can have this internal dialogue and come to a natural, sensible decision which isnt ruled by emotion.

I need to blog to remember how to zone out and think about how I'm feeling. Life is so fast paced these days that at any one point I'm feeling a cocktail of emotions,I need to blog to isolate them and deal with them in the compartmentalized way that I used to.

I need to blog to let out the thoughts I'm having - every day I live in despair reading the news of whats happening around the world. I am a great escapist and pretend to move on and live my life, but I cant. Sub consciously I am thinking and dreaming of victims and reliving 26/11. I need to blog to have a vent for things I'm not actively bringing out in conversations with friends.

On a positive note - I need to blog to document a big big moment - getting married and Im going to give it a good try. Wish me luck blogverse!