Monday, July 30, 2007
Whoever coined that word is a genius. It truly is. Maniac would describe my state of mind right now. Getting back to work after 2 whole days of lazing around is truly a punishment. There also seem to be so many things to be irritated about. Derth of good movies, return of the withdrawal symptoms, too many birthdays to shop for, morning paper came late, lunch was cold. Argghhh.
Desk jobs aren’t my thing. I should’ve been a motivational speaker or something. Or any job that involved talking and giving advice. Another thing I hate is when people know what their own problem is and instead of accepting it and moving on, saying “I’m like this I cant help it”. It bugs me. Don’t people know that acceptance is the first step towards recovery!!
I seem to be full of things im bugged with right now. It’s the Monday effect I tell you. I've begun having Monday morning blues from Saturday night itself. Won’t be far off when ill be depressed about Monday from Friday itself. Jeez.
Random thought just struck me, I wonder if my client has a blog. If she does im sure her entries will be one liners without punctuations and greetings. Actually she’s quite nice. Client servicing somehow instills this ability to make even the nicest clients look/sound/appear either like a complete dimwit or like the wicked witch from the west. I don’t remember the last time I met someone who had NO complains about his/her client. To be fair, if I did, I would think the person’s round the twist. I mean we aren’t supposed to like our clients!
Im being mean aren’t I? But what’s there, being nasty is therapeutic sometimes . Right now i need all the help i can get to snap out of this *mood*. Danger -thin ice.
The only thing cheering me up right now is this beautiful picture of Mumbai Meri Jaan.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday i had to say goodbye to someone... something i had been dreading since a long time. Goodbyes are temporary things i feel.. cos the person never really goes away.. he just makes the transition from the physical world to the little one inside my head, where things are more fun anyway. Heck, Roger Fedrer is my neighbour for cryin out loud! I managed miserably cracking some strange (im sorry) jokes about haircuts, gym, flab tyres and what not.
So this goodbye was accompanied by a beautiful drive through the rain. Just what the doctor ordered. "Give these part-ees one rainsoaked ferociously beautiful day" rain for me and Sun for him. (alas, he's a sunshine person)
Also, this innate ability to say "Im ok" with a facefull of tears is something im trying to overcome. but c'mon d'you really expect me to say "No i'm not you big galoot, im miserable, dont go ill die without you, who'll do thisnthat (make quotes about kind thoughtful actions performed by the individual) for me", accompanied by more bawls? come to think of it, it might actually help. must try next time. maybe gifts will accompany. men are gullible anyway. slightest sign of tears and theyre thinking "whatdoidowhatdoido, i swear i dint mean it, its all my fault, your pretty" etc. heh heh
Its the persons fault anyway. the going away-er is the one to blame. who asked them to decide to make their life millions and millions of miles away when all they've ever needed is right here? why should the stay-back-er have to bear this unpallitative painlessness that separation brings? lol.
Apparently, distance makes the hearts grow fonder.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
So last evening i travelled by the famed "Ladies special" train - this is a ladies only train at 6.00 in the evening to help women get home at peak hours a little safer. Generally trains at this time are jam packed to the extent that only experienced travellers can master the art of getting on and staying on.
What i will remember most about my journey to the suburbs tday was somethign ive witnessed ofte befre - There was this young girl maybe 6 yrs old selling Bangles on the train. while she should be in school and probably does'nt know reading or writing, shes trained in bargining and adding subtracting the sum shes to be paid for her wares. I was saddened to see money being exchanged to and fro from the hands of such a small child - being exposed to commercialism at such a young age... what i really wanted to see in her hands was a toy or sweets - anythign other than money... and a smile wouldve been icing on the cake.
Her eyes had this wistfulness - one that only relfects when a person has resigned to her fate, a lack of "desire" a feeling she's not supposed to feel cos it will only lead to despair. these kids are taught not to "want" anything. that moment i realized that i had some Mithai (Indian sweets) in my bag and beckoned her to come to me... misunderstanding my intentions as wanting to buy somethign from her, she gave me her little basket .. when i told her "Nahi Chahiye" (dont want) she looked at me skeptically as no one mustve ever asked o speak to her unless they wanted to buy somthgin from her.
She came reluctantly cos i widened my smile to let her know its ok and also opened the box of sweets from my bag. what followed then was magic. i held out the bggest sweet i could find a grubby unsure hand took it from me. she slid away to a corner from where she kept sneaking glances at me. when she first put it into her mouth and realized she liked it, she looked at me and there t was - the hint of a smile..which eventually widended. at the time, the sun shone through the window of the train and she gave me this beautiful half toothed smile.
Needless to say, i was grinning like a fool by then.. cos i saw it - that innocence i was mourning the lack of. that very instant with the sun in her hair and that broken toothed smile - her eyes had this fiery streak of innocence wishing it could break out... she looked at me on and off till i got off the train.
Thats what it took- one small sweet, and one big grin neither of which cost much. small price to pay for innocence regained isnt it?
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Untitled - Anon
Some say love is a river,
That drowns the tender reed,
Some say love is the razor,
That leaves the heart to bleed..
Some say love is a hunger,
An aching endless need
I, say love is a flower,
And YOU its only seed.
Its the dream afraid of waking,
That never takes a chance,
It’s the heart afraid of breaking,
That never learns to dance,
The one who can’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
The soul afraid of dying,
That never learns to live.
When you’ve grown too weary and the road seems too long,
And you begin to think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,
Remember – that in the winter, far beneath the winter snows,
Lies the seed, that with the suns help
in the summer, Becomes the Rose
Thursday, July 12, 2007
This one time, we were playing Pictionary (at Barista) and the word was "Room mate". it was my teams guess, and this guy drew two beds, and two stick figures next to each bed. id ont know what got into this other friend of mine she stands up excitedly and yells "SEX" yikes. This incident has never left her till date. Right after that, a couple of words later was the word "Honeymoon" and everyone yells to her saying "A this word's for you"!!
At all these times, ppl in my team would cheat and exclude me cos i could never carry off lying/cheating cos id always break out into giggles. Anyway, so if the other team ever got suspicious id be the one who would have to swear we dint cheat. and since i wasnt included in the cheating i could say that with so much sincerity that the other team had no option to believe it! i was bakra like this for a loong time, until everyone figured it out.
There was also this time we were playing Taboo (the game of Unspeakable fun). For the people who dont know what it is about, its the same as pictionary only u cant draw or use actions, you can only TALK. You can say what the heck you want to save for the 6 taboo words listed on the card. sounds easy? its not. cos the 5 or 6 words listed will be the MOST obvious words and in the space of under a minute to guess as many words as u can its tough. for e.g. the word could be "dad" and the taboo words would be - father, children, pa, married, son and some other thing. its way funny. so there was this one time that we were playing boys vs girls and it was the guys turn. Easy as it sounds, one of them said "This is what i call you all the time" and the other guy answers "DICK" we were all in splits. needless to say we could not play anymore after that cos we were laughing so hard. oh btw, the word was "kid".
Then there was this one time (at bandcamp?!!) on Holi that we were playing cards at my place and the guys had secretly mixed Bhaang in the Thandaai without telling me ( i had of course threatened them not to do so). so there we were playing teen patti lke good kids and after a while im wondering why everyone (except me who had a cold that day and hence did not partake of the thandaai) was suddenly laughing so hard over small things, talking so loud, forgetting it was their turn. i got suspicious but what did it was this round when this guy D STOOD UP for his turn and RAISED HIS HAND, as if answering a question in class and then played his turn. what a giveway huh! course i was angry but it was just so funny i could'nt be angry for long!
Now im in flashback mode. :)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
So whats the Enchanted woods?its a book that was gifted to me today by V cos i was sick (also cos i still read Edid Blytons off and on) ! Its actually a compilation - The faraway tree, the enhanted woods, and the folk of the faraway tree all in one. (my fav kinds -3-in-ones, its a lesser hassle to find the sequels that way).
Man, what i'd love most about these books other than the fairies, gnomes, elves and children was the FOOD. they would always describe these elaborate midnight feasts or simply some sort of revelry that involved food items that id' read and instant crave. Vanilla scones, (i dint even know WHAT those were then, they just souded yummy), Jam tarts, bacon and side of ham for breakfasts, chocolate pies and trifle pudding. jeez. there's that craving again.
On a different note, I finally decided that Roger (Federer) is the guy im marrying in the pretend world. lol. im amazed at how gracious he is. he's ferocious on court, but a real gentleman off it. somehow he reminds me of our very own Hrithik Roshan who i think has the same kind of humility and modesty coupled with drop dead good looks thats an irresistible comnibation. watching him play is a real treat to say the least. Another sport im hooked to - F1!
Raikkonen + Ferrari = goodstuff!!!!!! Ive always wanted that combination - i think the man was a god always. to be fair, Alonso's good too, but Kimi has come from back of the grid to the top 5 so many times its amazing.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Did a few things for the first time this weekend..
- Had Fondue. cheesy fondue with herb and jalapeno something. YUM. my only other memory of Fondue was the Greeks having a fondue at the castle with the cheese in the cauldron and the guy who loses his slice of bread in it gets thrown into the lake with weights tied to his feet.
- Had Ravioli. Nice. second to fondue though. Garfield exaggerates. Lasagna's much better.
- Turned up half an hour earlier for dinner though we had reservation (for half an hr later). i wont elaborate on the look we got from the head waiter who looked at his watch very (un) subtly and said "Ma'am you have a booking for 10.30 right?"
- Travelled a 4 hour train journey travelling in a direction opposite to the direction of motion. someone with as severe motion sickness as me, this was the NASTIEST ride I've been on. plus the AC was ferocious to say the least. mom and i (thought) we were prepared when we carried two shawls with us, which needless to say did not help much. we did try draping them in different ways to see if we could come up with the most thermally effective solution, nothing worked.
Coming to this train journey, I'm amazed at SO many things though. i had a relatively pleasant to-journey as i was in the direction of motion, in a Nice reclining chair car, with the temperature fairly suting me. Ive never travelled in a chair car before so i was surprised how comfortable the seats were. a little too comfortable i'd say. they would recline all the way back, until i reached a point whn i wanted to sit upright ad could'nt. apparently your supposed to be a in reclinign resting position to be comfortable. my back doesnt agree. Next, i could pull down this little board from the seat in front of me and place my food on it! just like in the planes!
Tea and coffee were served to me, by this very polite waiter-looking guy wearing a maroon waistcoat and a black bowtie. very nice. he even prodded me for breakfast till the point i thought maybe it was free with the tickets or somethign cos he hadnt even charged me for the tea i'd had. turns out i had to pay after all. who was i kidding. what i liked most though, were two posters of the Incredible India! campaign.. right up in front. they were even framed! ambience maybe?! i took pictures of both the frame and the fact that i had a mini table in front of me like the plane. i'd put them up if i knew how to. :)
Needless to say the return journey has landed me in a soup. i now have extended nausea a very severe throat infection and resolve that the next time, ill take a bus home.
i also watched "Die Hard" and "The Departed" btwn thursday and friday. Die hard was nice, though i think it should be called "Hardly Die". Jeez. The Departed was GREAT stuff. i was on the edge of my seat throughout the movie. The end kinda killed it for me though, it reminded me of Omkara where everyboyd just "dies" . The following guys really do it for me movie wise - Martin Scorsese (i even liked him as the fish in Shark Tail!!), Brad Pitt, Leonardo Di Cap (i love him in a totally adult, he-acts-well kinda way now :)), Al Pacino, Tom Hanks, Richard Gere and WILL SMITH!. it isnt fair how come guys like Will Smith can rap, dance, sing, act, talk well, look good, mimic etc so well. God should distribute talent a little. i mean c'mon the only thing i can do is talk.
Being sick is no fun. cant go out, cant watch tv, sleep all day = up most of the night. sucks. more later.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Gap fillers are basically sort of things to say like, when you know, you run out of things to say. hehehe i totally had fun doing that. When you gotta have a one hour long conversation with someone using gap fillers all the time it may get to you. ive been there. on both sides. Ive been the counter and the countee. in other words, ive been the one counting my professor say "ok" at the end of every sentence (117 in a lecture to be exact) and ive also been the one whose basically has bene counted by colleagues. Basically its a sign of wisdom. the more u say basically, the higher up in the organisation you are apparently i was told. this logic should be a Dilbert cominc strip. lol Poor Dogbert.
Referring to my previous post citing listlessness due to not having a good book to read, that has been temporarily resolved. i cant wait to go home.. i started it last night and im hooked, im a pick-up-book-and-read-till-end kinda person. ive been up till 5 and 6 in the morning doing just that!
Last night i saw an advertisement for Ally Mc Beal on Zee Cafe - they're gonna begin re-runs of all the old shows - All Mc Beal, Doogie Howser, Wonder Years, Full House etc. YAY!
as a college going dweeby kid everytime Ally's heart broke, mine broke too - and by the end of the series i was convinced i was goign to die alone too. lol refer Ally tellign her best friend "Maybe some people are just meant to be alone" . they should ban college going naive girls from watching these shows man. or give them a rating or something. Jeez even the songs used to be all about the wind stop blowing and the world stop turning and other natural disasters that wouldmaybe help her get over the one love Billy something.
what i cant understand is why she never fell for the other hotties! I mean Billy got MARRIED and went BALD! if it were me, it wouldve seriously helped speed the get over process! (either of the two things! )
Im also a huge fan of Full House! the twins WERE adorable. not anymore. they've lost themselves in the glitter gam sham of Hollywood and look exactly two girls being older than they should be and missing out on childhood completely. i hope they're not friends with Lindsay whose in rehab! Good grief! your 20 freaking years old! and in Rehab! i think of me at 20 and i think Pimple faced geekoid who thought turnign 20 was someone's revenge on her. (its downhil from 20 - 30, 40, 50 YIKESSSS)
Anyway.. thats all ranting about nothin for now. back for more in a bit. Can someone teach me to design my own template?
In the pursuit of simplicity - is what ive always been. Trying to compartmentalise my life and assign each problem its due significance is something ive been trying to do since forever. But earlier theories of acheiving simplicity seems to be getting in the way now - which i would'nt want to elaborate on now. not only for the sheer naivete of it, but also sometimes i fear i reveal too much about myself on these posts!
So what do you do when you suddenly decide to dissociate? how do you go about it? what if u suddenly reach a point when you just dont feel the need to sort out a miniscule non issue beyond a few minutes, or hassle yourself with tiny little things people say or do that would ordinarily hurt, but are a non entity now. Assume a new "dissociated avatar"? in my opinion, the above sounds ideal - where do we have the time to delve into little little things now - life is too short to be anythign but happy. yet, in the web of relationships we live in, we cannot afford to be "dissociated" or "neutral" or "unruffled" or any other non controversial state of mind, for fear of being mistaken as "not caring anymore" or " selfish" or plain "loony" [which is somethign i totally dont mind being btw, and maybe lots of people will agree" :) ]
Simplicity also has one more drawback - you end up nursing a broken heart - simply because you were foolish enough to believe love is meant to be loved foolishly, unconditionally, completely, and committedly.
No one told you love also has its set of rules, that there are games to play, a list of the right and wrong things to be said, and a boundary beyond which you must'nt dare venture.. thats the point of no return.. the point where the person is officially engraved into your heart and its no longer an ordinary love.
I think this world has to stop being so judgemental, angry, complex and entwined. Maybe we all can find some peace of mind, god knows we all need it.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Just a week before this debate, was a press release made by the President of India which I won’t delve into detail, but the crux of it was that Indians working in the private sector should be paid lesser and should lead a frugal life – the discrepancy in economic proportions between various strata of Indian society apparently leads to social unrest. While I don’t disagree with this, I have to ask myself how the numbers stated above spent on one man alone is frugality? If I were Mr. President, as the first citizen of India, I would first cut down on all unnecessary money spent on my gardens and vacation homes, and spent them on schools, hospitals, free food schemes, improvising the law and order etc- it is the confluence of these factors that in my opinion, lead to social unrest.
Another news item – Ms. Mayawati (CM –UP) has amassed assets worth Rs. 50 Crore in the last 3 years alone. That would mean a spurt of nearly 300% in her assets in the last 3 years alone – of which 34 lakhs has been declared as jewellery. Bear in mind that if this is the figure that has been disclosed, the actual figure must be give or take another 5-10 crores. I mean how does someone who apparently earns lesser than the president even have so much income? Which is the flyover that dint get built, or the houses for the poor which were actually sold to greedy businessmen or relief program that got only half the amount of funds than were allocated.
The world misjudges us, India is not a poor country – I think we have richness in abundance. Its when and only when ALL the money and resources get percolated down to the grass root level when we will achieve development. Sadly so, I don’t see that day anywhere close.
When one door of happiness for us closes, another door opens, but often we spend so long looking at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opeed for us. - Hellen Keller
Life doesnt come with erasers - Chicken soup for the soul
Man is a fool - when it is hot he wants it cool, when its cool he wants it hot - always wanting what is not. - Anon
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." - Thomas Jefferson
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright
I am not a big fan of putting up stuff which i've not written on my own blog, but these are sayings i've lived by - the ones that echo in my mind on the (countless) occasions i have to play agony aunt and give advice.
Monday, July 2, 2007
I watched 15 episodes of sex and the city back to back during the course of saturday night and Sunday. a certified Tv Zombie. girlfriends are underrated i think - the four women (Miranda , Carrie, Charlotte and Samamtha ) somehow always have the time to catch up every day over breakfasts, lunches, gay night clubs, dinners, just name a fun activity and odds are they would've done it. The fun they have when they[re just the four of then is incredible - men ruin that equation. i also liked that no man as allowed to join that group except Carrie's xtremel serious boyfriend. Turns out theres a lot of sex in sex and the city (i was under the impression "whats in a name" and assumed it will be the lives of four women with connotations of sexual innuendos etc - now come'on even friends has indirect references"). Needless to say i was scandalised on more than one occasion.
i am also no longer eligible to say "no" when ased if ive watched any porn. since this sitcom had many graphic (short) visuals that had us (S and I) blush to a deep shade of magenta. my answer now shall shift to a sheepish "a bit" if asked that question. i think its overrated anyway.
The funny part is that we live in India, with our lives NOTHING like any if these womens and social situations nothing like the four women live in, but we identified with one character or the other and all the fundas of love. (im charlotte for the people who've ever watched it).
Its a must watch for men as well - it lets you get an insight into our very very complex algorithmic minds. Some of my fav quotes - "We're 30 and single - there's no place for us in this world" or "Swear on Chanel you wont tell anyone" or "I think Soul Mates are actually Torture devices" and many manymore which obviously wont pop to my mind cos im writing about it. they will dawn on me when im on a train or at gym or some raondom time when im far far away from a computer and able to post them.