Making chapattis, one shape at a time.

Yes, me.

My mom and maid are out of town and Im left at home with a 17 yr old brother and a dad. OH BOY. Bulls in a china shop is a better expression for how they are at managing their own chores. My dad does chip in his bit, by switching his (6.30 a.m) morning cup of tea with plain milk (phew) so I dont have to drag my half asleep self to make chai at unearthly times.

This does however enable my smartass-just-finding-his-sense-of-humour brother to come up with a few gems like "I wont do any of the girly stuff" (when I asked him to list how he will chip in with the work) by girly he of course meant cooking cleaning washing ironing. That effectively left me with the only logical manly thing I thought he'd do. eat. sleep. shit. (did this blog just turn PG13?)

There was also the "Fine. Ill do the kitchen stuff" When asked exactly WHAT he meant by that considering I am fully aware of his cooking prowess, he replied he'd make breakfast for us. It deserves an applause, certainly. UNLESS of course he serves us chocos and milk. Which he did. Which I had to un-serve and replace with chai, bread and egg. (Am I complaining already?).

To top it off, sunday evening I came home to find the two men in the kitchen, making chapattis (more like parathas). Obviously they were fat and burned and the kitchen window was closed which made the kitchen smoke up. The thought was all cute and captured on camera but 2 parathas down when I insisted on cooking myself and had to clean up their mess first, I realized they do me a favor by staying out of the kitchen. GAH.

I have new found respect for women who manage jobs, homes and men. I never realized how difficult it actually is. I am used to doing a lot of my own work, and am a bit of a monica in terms of ordering stuff, cleanliness and the like, but managing a house is a different ball game.

Here, my perfectly round, wonderful chapatis deserve a mention. Seasoned cooks like my mother took years to perfect the art of roti making - one which I have pursued relentlessly and now am perfect at. 3 points to me! Now if only the triangular parathas I was making wouldve turned out right. Ah well, one shape at a time.

And yes, this is a post after a really long time. Feel strange, having drifted away from your own blog. Although I have blog post conversations in my mind each day, they dont translate. But this is a step in the posting more often direction cause this is something I want to stubbornly hang onto. So hello again :)

The Fugly Truth

Watch this. For a Fun filled 2 hours something and an inside on what Kaminas Men actually are (Read: Pretend to be).

Having been movie-less for the past two months on account of an extremely packed schedule, I finally broke the monotony with a regrettable experience watching Life Partner which frustrated me even more than I was to begin with. Enough said.

The Ugly truth caters to both sexes. For the Men, it serves a generous sprinkling of sexist jokes mostly all referring to the fact that Men like two things in a woman (I leave this to your imagination, though I will hint that they're both referring to two very prominent features of a woman's anatomy) lol. Gerard Butler pulls off being a typical Male Chauvinist with the arrogance of a suave Ladies man with a side order of adoring Uncle. A typical girls fantasy - A Bad guy gone good :D I know I DIG the kind.

For the ladies, there are generous doses of Eric Winters and Gerard Butler who fit into the Rom-com mode fantastically, though for me, he'll always be King Leonidas. (h-a-w-t). Katherine Heigl fits the role perfectly, a causal sexy smart and sophisticated virginal woman. Her metamorphosis into a more out-there sexy and Gerard Butlers tips for attracting men are a riot. 'Women should have longer hair', he says, 'since men like to have something to hold onto other than a woman's arse'. The movie is full of gems of wisdom such as this.

I think most women would identify with Katherine's character - the ones who believe the right guy is out there. Most men would also identify with Gerard - the ones who believe that Lust is easier to obtain than Love and also not so hard on the knees. But most of all, we all identify with the dilemma, of being completely swept away by what your feeling, when you least expected it.
Yes, the truth as Gerard finds out, is really out there. And sometimes, its pretty. Very pretty.

Making a beeline for the exit

Last evening I took to dining at a nearby fancy 7 star restaurant with a friend I haven't met in ages. We decided on dinner after work, and I very pompously selected the venue - a highly recommended mucho expensive place, an aside from my other favorites. The price of the Buffet at Hornby's (1200 per person) did not deter me since I am a woman of the world, with fine refined taste, a certified epicure, and err I had discount coupons. :) thanks to her.!

Owing to the fact that Ive just moved homes, and this building is completely new, some parts of it still under construction, its a given that its dusty as hell. Which means that the car gathers dust as though its mileage depends on it. Dad being a stickler for cleanliness, our car is used to be spanking squeaky clean, but even he's given up temporarily in this current state of affairs.
Having conveniently forgotten this, I left home, dressed for dinner go down to the garage and stand faced with the dustiest I have EVER seen my car. Since G was already waiting for me, I had no choice but to ignore the dust and two bird poos and drive.

I felt as though even my car was feeling embarrassed to be brought out in this state, as though each person on the street wants to offer to just dust it a bit. Bird poo was of course, strategically placed such that If i were to start the water and just run my wiper over the screen, it would effectively be smattered all over my windscreen as opposed to just in one corner. I made it somehow and picked G up, apologising profusely for being slightly late, while explaining all the reasons (that were not in my control and neither my fault) that conspired against me being on time.

We then drove into the lobby of the Hotel, where I resumed feeling mortified and disconcerted driving such an unkempt car. It didn't help that there was a grand wedding in the hotel on that day and mighty grand cars were pulling in to the valet. G and I of course took to trying to laugh off the situation in our aloof style hoping the valet isn't too embarrassed to park the car.

Of course, Me being the confident woman of the world, unruffled by these mundane occurrences in life type woman, shrugged this off and had my haughty look on as I exited.
That and loudly exclaiming 'Oh dear, I cant believe the car got this dusty' en route entrance. Bas.

We finally moved past the current state of embarrassment and proceeded towards dinner. The Buffet is SO good, that one ought to fast for a few days and devour all the goodies on the menu. Trust me, that extra kg after this meal can be worked off.

When we got our first course, the extremely polite waiter approached our table and asked if we would like some drinks. He ordered Beer and I nothing, since my appetite generally diminishes by intake of drinks, soups and such. He then proceeded to recite the list of all possible tempting options I could have, Mock tails, beer, a glass of wine maybe. To which I still declined. 'I don't want to kill my appetite' I said.

As I watched him saunter over to the Maitre'D, them possibly discussing my non drink policy, they mustve arrived at a suitable conclusion for my negative response.

"Madam, the drink is included in the cost of the Buffet" he said with a large accommodating smile.

I of course declined once again. And what did they think I wasn't ordering cause I was thinking of paying the extra price? I exclaimed to G. To which, his usual cheeky male response was -

'Maybe he saw your car'
:\

19th Nov. Did you know?

I was a tad miffed since last week, when women's day was celebrated with much grandeur. Amidst centre page folds of articles luring us to go shop till we drop, book tickets, massages, month long slimming packages at half prices and other luxurious (un)necessities because apparently we deserved them.

I take a break, Ladies and Gentlemen from my usual male bashing, to raise a toast. To our other halves. The one's which don't have a BIG celebratory day. The one's that deserve one. The key peg to most women's day articles is that 'we deserve it' because 'She's a mother, sister, wife, daughter, homemaker, etc rolled into one' While I don't deny this, and am in complete awe of working women in Mumbai, and across the world really, who juggle careers and kids with equal aplomb, and even women who give up flourishing careers for their family, I do think that it isn't quite fair.

After all for every female relationship/responsibility there is a Male Equivalent isn't there? They're Fathers and brothers, sons, Chief wage earners (in most cases), Husbands...too! Sometimes I feel as though Women's day is just a blatant discrimination, a declaration of being the fairer and weaker sex, one that needs to be reminded of how special and wonderful she is and appreciated time and again.

International Men's day, (title of post) comes and goes without much of a mention. How many reading this even know the date, before clicking on the link above? This day remains largely unnoticed, While its counterpart, the women's day has metamorphosed into a somewhat valentines day like affair. Why do we celebrate it again? Seems to me that we have a day for ALMOST every relation Man has ever coined. Lets see now. Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers, Teachers, Bosses, (Grandmothers and Grandfathers fall in the existent Mothers and Father days), Uncle and Aunt days , PHEW. We ought to club them ALL together, and label is Humans day or some generic term like that.

Moving on from labeling days, I was reading a very amusing post on PMS and how only men seem to be the secondary afflicted victims. Women being the primary victims of course. While I do agree that those days are indeed terrible, and I would PAY a man to endure them, wax, thread various inconspicuous corners of ones body, it is indeed alarming that we do inflict our ghastly mood and consequent PMS related tantrums and emotional vacillations more so on men. Do you remember being nasty to your girl-friend? Or Mother? Nah, its the boyfriends/Husbands that get it. (and HOW). God forbid they reach ten mins later than decided time or agree that you do look like you've piled on a few pounds. My most sincere wishes are with the poor fools who do.

This is therefore, a toast. To the men in our lives, who withstand our hormonal mood swings, neurotic demands, incessant questions, bad hair days, bad shoe days, bad any days, broken nail days, upset over nothing but still deserve sympathy days, and still manage to infuse a semblance of rationality, peace and stability in our lives. Dad, I don't know how you manage being the only man in the house when Lil brothers away. I can barely live with myself. Your living with almost two of me.

For the big, protective and all empowering, re-strengthening hugs, and the untiring thankless providing for, celebrating our successes, for a steady calm voice in the most tumultuous of circumstances, and dropping us home however late it is (and however far you stay), pretending your interested in knowing the difference between a halter and a tube, and obliging us by watching a chick flick just because we spend lots of time making cute faces. This is to Daddy, my brother, and all my friends- from engineering, my first and second workplace. Most of whom don't have my blog link, but hope, know how much they mean to me. You guys, are truly inspiring.
Disclaimer - No man has paid me to write this. Im still on our side. Just taking a break.

Misinformed?!

Click on the picture if the font's too small.
loll!!

We're easy to ge along with ... once men just learn to worship us :)

The problem about most blog posts is - how do I start?! The general content of the post is known since it would be about a recent conversation, the weekend revelry or the likes. lol.

Offlate, for some reason, Ive landed up having the unanswerable question type conversation - 'What do woman want?!'. A lot of perplexed (male) friends are at their wits end since they've tried every trick in the book - been every kind of guy. Mr Naughty but nice, Mr Sweet but not so sweet, Mr sickly goodygoody, Mr never-fallin-love playerboy, Mr calculated moves, Mr commitment phobic, Mr lets-get-married, Mr anyone-will-do, Mr Ill-be-nice-to-get-into-your-pants, Mr Im-confused-about-my-feelings, ETC. You get my drift, Im sure.

So what do we want anyway? Half the world seems to be obsessed with the question. Its not that difficult, really.

First of all, its not a game, women are not dolls and if she likes you, its not checkmate, or a homerun. Women dont want guys who are 'playing' them, and calculating every move. Who we're more likely to fall in love with are men who simply fall head over heels with us, with no logic and reasoning whatsoever. This isnt something you can practice - so dont try.

Its in the little things - blowing on coffee and making it cooler, a flirtatious little smile or wink here and there, having that look in your eye, remembering what we like to eat, our favorite colour, insisting on paying sometimes... Since im not going in order of importance, one critical piece of information - Each woman wants to feel sexy, and beautiful to someone. No matter if shes ugly, short, fat, pimpled, too tall, too fair, she wants to feel pretty. Women of all ages, take a look in the mirror before they leave, powder their nose, put on that little makeup, wait in anticipation for that one tiny compliment from that special someone... its one of those things. Of course, not to mistake this by thinking 'All women dress up for men', because they DONT. The ones that have a boyfriend, husband, etc (err) DO (secretly or not). Then there are ones that wont admit it. But in the end, if shes looking pretty, TELL her! Men simply go wrong in calculating too much - every move, every sms.

A certain vulnerablity in unplanned feelings is endearing. Most of them also wait for the woman of their dreams, and often the one theyll never get over to move on to another guy before they realize ' shit i love her'.

We like the man BEING the man - insist on footing the bill sometimes (3 out of 5 would be a good ratio), buy an occasional flower, be well turned out and snappy when taking us out to dinner. Women LOVE men who take care of their physique, and pay a little extra attention to detail like - smelling great, wearing good footwear, neatly ironed clothes (I know this sounds like a lot to ask for from MOST men) But there are certain exceptions :) and im sure at least one reading this knows who he is.

More than what an average joe can accomplish has been put down here, so lets try slowly, one at a time. And then maybe we women can live happily ever after.

Cats the way we like it?

Theres a new radio station on air. Its Mumbai's only 'Women only' channel. Err... women only channel? Do they not have male RJ's? Do men not tune in? Its called (wonder of wonders) 'Meow'.

Why Meow? Why women only? Not only did i find the idea ridiculous, but on tuning in, the channel itself is a waste of time. The discussions range from (hold your breath) 'Boyfriends' to 'Why Men are such fools' to (gasp) 'What women really want'.

The next step in progressing would possibly be discussing the 'Recipe for the week' sent in by an avid Meow listener im guessing. What a breakthrough in strategy . The channel clearly differentiates itself, carving a niche no one can (and will) dare enter - complete foolishness.

I wonder how i could forget to mention the traditional 'hello' being replaced by the (wow again) 'Meow'. it goes like this 'Hello abc, Meeeoow' and abc has to oblige with a 'Meeow' back. YIKES.

Someone explain to the world that we dont want womenhood celebrated in this way. We dont like cats, we dont like saying 'Meow' instead of hi, and we CERTAINLY dont like wasting time discussing boyfriend issues which for one, will ALWAYS be around. Men will always be Men and there will always be subsequent problems. :) Besides there are enough shows on the tele discussing these!

What we want instead, is an equal platform. Recognition. Gratification (from egoistic male boors who would rather die than admit it) for being the powerful assertive and rational beings that we are. Gifts, for being put through the confusion that surrounds male lives and having to help them deal with it. [Someone made on movie on 'what women want', why dint they just ASK]

A women only channel that calls itself 'Meow' is just moving in the reverse direction. I figured the COO is definitely male. [NO OFFENSE INTENDED] Its just validation of my initial guess.

The below excerpt from here.

Explaining the brand name Radio Today COO Anil Srivatsa said, "Meow embodies the attributes of a woman, where she can be all by herself. It symbolises spirituality, sensuality, professionalism. It is more than a cat call as everyone initially perceives. The cat is much more feminine, clean and free in itself. The various moods of a woman is explained. When somebody says meow four times, he can't help laughing. "

Really???? Thats how the womans mood is being explained??!!

Its no coincidence (Im guessing) that the channel is based on a 'On the air' host format rather than rather than 'jockeys' who host music programming. Since women love to talk?

I miss the midnight shift with Glen and the accompanying jingle 'I knoww your gonnaa diggg thiss!'

Standard disclaimer rules apply

As an afterthought, just wanted to add (in context of my blog post below)

• If your a woman, reading this AND getting mad at me, then you probably have some or all qualities ive spoken about, hence getting defensive and angry. I apologise for bringing your problems to the fore, but if you can take my advice, nothing like it :)
• If your a woman , and thinking 'Exactly!' or 'serendipity u hit the nail on the head' then, CONTACT ME!
• If your a man and getting mad at me, then join the gang. Im always pissing off people.
• If your a man and NOT getting mad at me, and want to marry me (thank you Aditya!), then again, join the gang. as you can see, women like this are highly desirable. and errr modest.

And oh, the usual. The post was not meant to hurt feelings of ANYBODY, had no connection with anyone living or dead, specially anyone in my life. For any feelings that were evoked whilst reading the post, kindly refer to the bullet points above. And, Happy Valentines day!!

One flew east, one flew west....

One flew over the cuckoos nest.
I wrote an entire blog post yesterday, which for some reason did not get saved, nor posted. I'm saddd. Anyhoo, moving on to what it was actually about. Women. Yes one of those. But, in a different flavor.

A hanging out session with a few (male) friends over the weekend just put a few things into perspective. Albeit, things i already knew and live my life by, and wished more women implemented in theirs. It could make life so much easier for poor men whom we keep cursing cos they're such easy targets.

1. First up, your not a victim always! so stop behaving like one. I HATE women who think they're poor little helpless darlings who've been heartbroken by a cruel callous guy. I'm sorry, im of the opinion that a guy will only treat you the way you LET him treat you, and if he's not treating you right, or taking you for granted then you probably have you lack of self esteem or assertion to blame. If your dating, your as responsible for the downfall of the relationship as he is, so if he's the bad guy, your a b***h too. Accept it, and DEAL WITH IT.
2. Secondly, if he's dumped you, MOVE ON. If he was interested in you, he wouldnt have dumped you in the first place. Pining for him and following him around with a sulky face will ONLY remind him of how he's glad he dumped you! My advice - find someone else! If you cant, gather your dignity, preserve and wait for the right guy. YOUR NOT GONNA DIE IF YOUR SINGLE.
3. Thirdly, when did a guy being in your life make things better? BEING SINGLE IS THERAPEUTIC!
4. Fourthly, dont take ALL your problems, add them up and then screw up everything cos 'poor me, my boyfriends acting up, work sucks, health sucks, i cut my toe yadayada'. Compartmentalise your problems! like ye- talk to the boyfriend, figure our things. put a bandaid on the toe, concentrate a little more at work and lesser on all the doom that (apparently) surrounds you and that should get better.
5. Dont let your hormones get in the way. Im guessing this point is a waste of a bullet point cos seriously. Women, not being hormonal? kabhi nahi :)
6. If you have a fight with him, dont mess up the day cos 'OMG you JUST cant concentrate' Seriously, being a woman, if i had to meet a guy whose ENTIRE day focussed around me, i would FLIP. Let alone poor men who can barely take care of themselves knowing a woman is busy not eating her lunch cos he's not called... is sure fire drive him away. Do you really want him to pity you? I'd kill myself if he guy i dated or ANYONE for that matter pitied me. Why would you want anyone to think your too weak to deal with something?
7. If you or your boyfriend want to talk/meet all the time, then you got a problem. While i think its nice as initial euphoria, there is a point in time where i would like him to have certain activities im not a part of . gymming maybe, or music, or a boys night out drinking, and I'd have a life of my own too. Learn not to OVERLAP each and every aspect of your lives!
8. Like there are women brokenhearted over that 'one love of their life' men have that one woman too, its just that they dont express it that much cos APPARENTLY its not very MACHO. However, certain conversations will reveal that men in fact, have that one woman they would do anything for, and would make them see the world in a new light. Its just that they dont harp about it like women do.

Men are not as bad as we women make them out to be, They're caring (sometimes) and sensible (sometimes) and have the most awesome shoulders to cry on (if reqd) and dont cry at the drop of a hat, so would (probably) make good decisions in crisis situations.

They're also extremely patient when it comes to dealing with us women and our Days :) Like they say, cant live with 'em, cant live without!

Think i was a man in my last life :)

When God made man, she was only kidding.

Being a woman sure is tough. For the (few) men that do actually read this blog, here's a fair warning. Serendipity is currently suffering from Monday morning blues (although its only sunday evening), and is under the mellowing effect of having watched the season 2 finale of Grey's Anatomy, with lingering thoughts of Dr. Mc. dreamy. In case you're still reading, don't blame me later.

How can one show have so many Mc. Yummies in one go! For anyone whose not watched it, Patrick Dempsey is Dr. Mc dreamy. and Mc. dreamy he is. it is shows and movies like this that make us poor women fall in love with the idea of love and prince charming and what not. and then life shows us the clear difference between reel life and real life. i won't launch into that one now :)

I heard some quotable person mention that most womens problems can be solved by a nice pair of shoes, or a nice bag. I would like to shake the hand of this genius, and i also attest to the statement. Shopping has many therapeutic properties so if you feel your girlfriend, or wife, or mom is acting (more) neurotic or (more) hormonal than normal, then take her shopping! That money spent will reap you great rewards my friend.

Here are a few things that need to be understood about women.

• There are times that we're feeling moody just because. (Its the estrogen i tell ya)
• The next few bullet points are dedicated to shoes. Because they are a very important part of our lives.
• Different shoes go with different clothes. that's why we NEED so many. for e.g. to help the (poor?) men who never seem to get the (simple) logic, stilettos (shoes with pointy pencil heels that y'all love) go beautifully with most things. hence every woman needs to own at least one pair. ( i mean two, one black and one any colour of her choice)
• Flats look terrible with formal black pants, but needed for everyday wear. Sneakers for running, Pumps/Strappy shoes for skirts and block heels for when you want to wear heels, but don;t want to wear stilettos.
• Of course you need different shoes with Indian wear.
• (Phew i hope that helped at least a little). coming back to other important aspects of our lives.
• No matter how many clothes we have, we'll always need more. (errr.. or want)
• YOU get manicures, pedicures, haircuts, waxes, threading, facials, bleaches, exfoliation dehydration, moisturization, detoxification and many other such (unnecessary evils) done to your body and tell us how you'd feel. Before some wise-ass leaves me a comment saying this is completely voluntary and not enforced it is due to some jerks that most women have complexes that make them feel not-so-beautiful which is why we resort to such external tactics (beautiful is more than skin deep and all) in the first place. If your girlfriend has a forehead that marks the confluence of her hairline and eyebrows and did nothing about it, please tell me you'd still dote on her. (yes. i believe u)
• We secretly love Mc. dreamy's so you ought to know what your up against. every woman wants a Prince Charming. and while your not expected to be your nicest best at all times. we would like some thoughful moments out of you, when you're not acting like a jerk, picking a fight with us or just acting completely clueless in life.
• If you want to buy us something, buy it. Dont ask. we'll say no but we mean yes. This does not apply to questions like "why don't u do the dishes tonight" etc.
• Understand that estrogen is an excrutiatingly difficult hormone to have so much of. Unlike testosterone, its makes you think of things other than sports, sex or food. It makes us cranky and horrid when its that time of the month, or not that time, it releases compulsive shopping disorders, random outbursts of joy or equally uncalled reasons for grief.
• Its well known that through all this neurotic, wiry behaviour we still manage to go to work, help out at home, be nice to people and put up with all their ridiculous behaviour, deal with all that (damn) estrogen and still manage to make it through our lives.

Disclaimer - Any characters and pronouns used in this post are purely fictional. No offence is mean to (most) people. So in case i do know you in real life, don't come pelt me. Its the Estrogen.