- Do not buy Large Mucho Fashionable Tote/Shoulder Bag. (For practical purposes, Henceforth referred to as the LMFTS Bag.)
- After blatant and unabashed ignorance of above point, Do not stuff Large Mucho Fashionable Bag with unnecessary equipment, accesories, cosmetics, osculation enhancers and food items.
- Do NOT confuse LMFTS Bag with bag required for backpacking trip across Europe, unless you could take off any minute and want to be prepared nonetheless.
- Must buy LMFTS Bags only with pseudo mobile holding appartus-like pocket.
- Place mobile phone in the appropriate pseudo mobile holding pocket each time after use.
- Bookmark in imaginary post-it in your head that mobile has been deposited in required pocket.
- Prior to exit of office/recreational place/vehicle, check the presence of aforementioned device in ear-marked territory.
Now. The Quick-fix Guide to finding your cellphone.
- Upon exit of most (Read: ALL) places/vehicles (specially public transport) without checking for darn phone in place, scramble about bag hurriedly whilst still on shoulder, break into sweat as the possibility of having lost the phone dawns upon you, switch suitably between looks of slight anxiousness to medium apprehension to outright agony over alleged loss of device.
- Proceed to haphazardly empty contents of LMFST Bag, balancing contents in teeth, under arm, etc, whilst still heroically proceeding with the search.
- Plea with then exasperated friend to give you a missed call.
- The LMFST Bag vibrates to life, and your heartbeat slowly, but surely regains its steady pace.
- Thank life-saving, phone finding, missed-call giving friend profusely.
Repeat Process 17 times a day.
And dont ask me how the above process was invented.