Graduation Toast..

I was nominated to give my class toast at our graduation banquet... it was a memorable event, and Im glad I got to speak on behalf of my 262 classmates.. here is my toast for posterity and a picture..

Toast for Graduation

Ladies and Gentlemen,

We did it! Survived Accounting, Finance and Statistics just like Tina said we would [After my midterm grades I was fairly certain I’d be stuck in the first semester forever ] BUT, its over. All too soon, I’d say.

This is a great moment, we’re finally all set to do what EVERY professor has been gearing us up to do -leverage our synergies with corporate long term strategies. J Its also a sad moment, we’re all probably feeling the pressure to be responsible adults now. Fingers crossed that that actually happens.

Two years ago, at orientation, Dean Hirst had said that he wants us to have a couch to crash at wherever in the world we go. Looking around me and all my classmates travels over this time I can safely say we’ve all heeded that advice. Dean Hirst and Tina both also reached out to all of us asking us to mingle with people representing 33 countries  from all over the world and not just stay confined to familiar faces. I can safely say, on behalf of all the international students that we’ve had a wonderful time being a part of this community; we’ve felt welcomed and loved.  Whether it was international night, or the Uno international dinner series, it was great having an opportunity to showcase our cultures to such a wonderfully embracing set of people.

Looking back at these two years, we’ve been through a lot together. I’m thankful for being a part of the best cohort [ UNOS ] and for having had the most memorable two years of my life.  

We all have someone to thank for being here today, parents or spouses who’ve made sacrifices to support us one way or the other. My parents are here today, without whom I know I would be nothing. Thank u mom and dad…

Here’s to our wonderful family, friends, classmates, faculty, school. Here’s to a new beginning.

In Hindsight

Its 1 a.m. and Im wide awake. Thanks Jetlag. Slept from 3 p.m. 8 p.m. against all wise thoughts advising me against.

Got back yesterday and went straight to my other home - V's house. It felt like the last time when I first came to the US... going to V and Ro's house and staying with them. it was different though - living with them and another friend for the first 10 days away from home felt more like a picnic than like I had moved away. This time, I came back to an empty house. I felt miserable.

All those things I went back to Mumbai saying I loved about America suddenly felt overrated and not so nice. The quietness for example - when I first got to Mumbai i couldnt sleep with the constant humdrum of traffic or street dogs or something or the other and was telling my mom how quiet my room in America is. Last night I was haunted by the tick-tock of the clock in my room and the sound of my own breathing. I almost wanted it to rain to drown it out..

Everything in the last two days seem dull, tasteless and out of place. When I reached Mumbai I felt strangely removed, and now that I'm back in the US I feel the same.. where do I belong?

My clothes all fit the hangers in the empty space in my closet here - and I hated that. I hated that i had a suitcase full of stuff which actually fits in my closet here... i hate the radio with the Bobby brown show which plays the same 15 songs over and over and there's no masala for me to crib about.

I missed my space in Mumbai and now I miss the people. I spent the last two days just getting my routine back - cleaned my house, got my groceries, washed my car - all feeling listless. I shouldnt have made my laptop wallpaper the picture of my family, its making it harder. What was worse was that I forgot my charger at V's house on saturday and my phone was off for a day and a half and through feeling terrible, I couldnt make any calls :-/

I hate having the room all to myself and not having my brother around to talk to before sleeping. I thought i loved this, clearly not. I hate not having to tell anyone what my plans are for the day or what time Im coming home. it makes me feel more grown up than I want to..

I thought it would be easy this time. I hadnt gone back last december because I knew I'd never settle in - so I travelled instead. I thought this time, since I have a routine, a car, tonnes of awesome friends, a semester to look forward to, it would be easier. It really wasn't.

Choosing my religion

I'm here. Home. Mumbai i.e. It was necessary to specify because just a few days ago I was looking for something in my suitcase and said that I had forgotten it at home (i.e. America) - My mom's face changed colors and dropped her smile when she realized what I had said. "HOME?" she said with that scary arched eyebrow.

It feels weird though, I dint just fit back in like nothing had changed. I dint just pick up from where I left off. Mumbai has moved on without me, its swelling burgeoning population and traffic woes and me-first attitude has left me behind a little bit. My friends are the same in some regards, I see the same light hearted attitude, the same childish jokes and taking each others cases, albeit with a slightly somber vein - everyone's looking to get hitched. The one's who are seeing someone are getting married (I'm attending two weddings this month) and the one's who are not are really really wired up about finding someone. I feel slightly disconnected from them too, in a way. Last night at a dinner party, I was the ONLY single person in a room of 6 couples. [ Dear Bridget Jones, I NOW understand your pain ]

But most of all, I feel like I've drifted away from me. Gone is that girl who woke up bubbling with conversation and ready to get going to meet a ton of people that day, and here is a girl who wakes up and wants to have her tea quietly reading the newspaper for the first hour of the day. I didn't realize how used to myself I had gotten, and while I'm still a very people's person my definition of 'space' has altered significantly. While a few years ago it would be those few minutes in the day when I'd steal some time off, now its my mornings and my evenings before I wake up and before I get into bed. Here is a person who is still as big as extrovert as she used to be, maybe more, but who now gets her energy from intraversion. That time when I get back home everyday to my big clean room and just space out? That's recharging time. Which I dont get here AT ALL.

Watching TV, Surfing the internet, reading the paper are all activities which are freely interrupted by people and questions and phone calls and mom and dad and I've realized I need that space. It scares me a little.. the implications of this. How will this translate into married life? What if I ever have to move home?

At the dinner party on tuesday, one couple living and working in Seattle has been plagued with the 'should we move home' question. They want to start a family and think living around grandparents instills values in children which nothing can compensate. ALL of the people in the room that night have studied in the US, (save for me who is still doing so) and have moved back, begrudgingly. Naturally the conversation erupted into a cacophony of protests (NO, DONT even think of moving back), dismay (ARE U SERIOUS! u want to move back to this hellhole?), advice, and pros and cons. I kept quiet - I dint know this couple well enough to impose my opinion and also wanted to see the discussion evolve from the point of view of people who've seen both worlds, and moved back and adjusted to life here. The result was unanimous : except for one girl, everyone else (sample size 11 people) was of the opinion that given a choice, they'd live away. Be it the moral bankruptcy, corruption, breakdown of infrastructure, traffic, pollution or the bureaucracy - there was a reason why everyone hated Mumbai. Resigned to their destinies of having moved back and now left with no choice almost. When did this happen? When did Mumbai become a place of resignation and so much subdued angst? It is pertinent to say that this conversation took place on the 10th floor of a very posh flat in Breach Candy in South Mumbai, the most luxurious part of Mumbai, and each couple in the room lived in the stretch of land between Cuffe Parade - Breach Candy with Mercs and BMW's for cars. Point being - this is the opinion of people living in the lap of luxury - I shudder to think of the Aunty getting on the Churchgate - Virar local everyday.

In the last decade, Mumbai (or India as a whole?) has slowly gone through a process of degrading its quality of life, confidence in politicians and systems, a slowing down (and eventual breakdown) of infrastructure, an exponential increase in pollution and decrease in civic sense.. something I was blind to when I was madly in love with this city. I still love it dearly, but now there's a certain wistfulness in my gaze when I look out at marine drive and long for the clear skies and the sun kissed horizon, and am instead met with a blanket of smog. I look for that occasional interesting conversation with the cab driver and am instead met with a bitter fight over one rupee of change.

I've changed... Mumbai's changed.

Home?

I was driving to the airport to pick up a friend last night and thought about my impending visit home. I realized since the last few days I'm going over the moment of first sight - the second my eyes see my mom, and dad, and friends at the airport.. I obsess over the details of what I'll be wearing and what my mom and dad will look like- will they have more grey hair, will my dad be wearing his 1986 corduroys which he's been obsessing about getting into since the past year? As I turned into a lane leading to the airport I actually turned towards my house in Mumbai, all the visuals replaced by familiar shadows of the trees and buildings dotting the skyline... I snapped out of it a few seconds later when my phone reminded me that I was still here.. far far away..

Its amazing how significant that moment is to me .. its been 1.5 years away from home for me, the longest I've ever lived apart from family. It is certainly true that I've molded into being more 'single' and independent than I ever was - but yet, I cant wait to get back to being that girl in her house, in that comfort bubble where she doesn't have to fret about bills and laundry and the next months rent. Where she can just lay back and have tea ready and transcend into that mini escape from reality called moms lap.

Much as I await my trip, I am also antsy about how these past 1.5 years will play out in the month that Im home. Being OVER COMMITTED in extracurricular student activities, as well as working off campus 20 hours a day, PLUS school work (which an at MBA level here is dizzying) means I am paralyzed if i don't check my email 36 times a day (if not more). My first instinct after I turn off my alarm is to check email to see if anything earth shattering happened in the 6 hours that I slept. I shudder that much as I look forward to a month at home having nothing to do, I might yearn for the frenetic pace of my life here.

I worry that I have become too 'business ish'. The other day in conversation with a really close friend whose married and pregnant, I was surprised how bored I was talking about the same ol group of friends back home - gossip that was meaningless, redundant and a waste of time. I remember these same conversations two years ago which would be fun, chatty, tingling with scandal - and how indulging in it would be as interesting as a conversation on the economic proliferation of China. Not anymore!

How different getting into that plane on the way back is going to be - last year when i got into the flight here, i was throwing myself into uncertainty, (i didnt know i then, but also misery) I dint have a house rented, only 2 bags of stuff to my name. I was nervous and excited and till date i cannot reconcile which was the predominant feeling. This time though, ill come back to a nice house with a new roomate, my car which i think spend 30% of my time in.. an established circle of friends, and the last semester of the MBA. where has the time gone, and how did I grow up so soon?

Those things..

I realized today how there are some things in life that we just take for granted - or rather I do. For instance - getting and keeping a job, humor, age, good friends, family.. the list actually is longer than I expected. I assume that I am entitled to all of the above, and maybe so - but thats not always the case, and having some or all of them isnt a right, but a privilege.

I am working part time as i study right now at the company where I interned over the summer.. today this company laid off a sizeable chunk of its global workforce. I was at work when it happened and was completely shaken up. The atmosphere was gloomy, there were guards everywhere, cubes looked empty - all in all, it was eerie as hell.

Thats when I thought of the 50 year old man with the wife and two kids whose going home to tell his family that after 25 years at a company doing what he did best, or doing the only thing he knew - he no longer had a job. That too, in this economy with even fewer jobs in the market - even fewer for older recruits who havent been nimble in their career...

I thought of my own education loan and how important it is for me to earn in $$ - how vital it is to my career to get a job from my graduation to make it economically a viable investment of the two years of my life -and then I think about how easily i signed my offer letter, and how in my mind I assumed it was coming.. What if it had'nt? What if that 50 year old man was me? I am a huge proponent of not second guessing oneself and I am rarely the one to do so.. but today was a wake up call - one to be thankful for what I have and who I have.. to be aware of my privileges and cognizant of my luxuries..

The two people from my team who got laid off, i dont even know, but as I heard about them, I had tears in my eyes.. on a conference call with our VP he was telling us about the marketing department that has 40% of the team gone.. and to be sensitive to them and I had goosebumps.

These past 1.5 years in a new country have just been all kinds of experiences... learning to cope has been a challenge, but i hope to look back at these times and have become a better stonger person then..

The Airport day

Next week it will have been a year since I moved countries. This morning on my way to work as I spoke to my mom, I brought up the subject of how, this time last year I was beginning to pack and the farewell parties had begun and what not. It was also when I started 'feeling' things more.. sleeping on my own bed, luxurious hugs from mom and dad and my brother, the pitter patter of rain on my window, the friend from out of town (Scarlett) who came over who I wasnt sure when I'd see again, home cooked food - it all had an expiry date of two weeks since I left home July 17th 2010.
It was today that mom told me how she felt those first 24 hours when I was travelling and out of contact and I was teary eyed just relivign that farewell. It was my first time moving away from home and that too, to the other end of the world. My mom and I are very close and she means the world to me. I spent 3 months at home having quit my job well in advance and knowing I wanted to savour the last 3 debt free months of my life. She told me about how empty and lifeless the house felt, how some things of mine strewed around the house upset her and reminded me of her absence. It's funny how I feel as though my mom is half of me.. she completes me, she is really, my best friend. The first few months when I was here, she would ask what I was eating and when I would say junk like cereal for dinner she'd be upset - its now that she knows im cooking and eating good food that she feels truly settled and comfortable with me being so far away.
That last bye at the airport -- i remember how hard we all tried not to cry. In true Indian fashion, I had my whole group of friends of them, my mom dad, bro, and a friends mom who is very close to me... that last hug, its funny how rationale takes a side seat as holding on to a person wishing the moment dint end actually feels like it might happen if u hug hard enough. I think I hugged my mom a million times. My dad came with me till the security check since he has an airport pass... that was the hardest. When I kneeled down to touch his feet for blessings right before I left, I just couldnt hold it in, and cried as I am now, thinking of that moment, forever engraved. Dad's try to be so macho, mine more so from his defence background. That day, not so much. He was angry at me for being overweight with the bags and kept trying to use it as an excuse but couldnt manage when I said that final bye.
My mom gave me a note to read in the plane from all of them and it was a letter with a few lines from mom, dad and my brother. All wishing me luck and success and do them proud. I hope I do.
For all that I gave up, and they did, I hope I never forget what I'm here for.

A full circle

Serendipity,
Intern Global Pricing Strategy and Planning CM Optimization

You know you’ve come a full circle when you reach this designation. It feel strange being an intern all over again, specially after havign workd for 4 years. Although I wonder what it must be like for a lot of my classmates with twice my work experience. Looking back at my first year of MBA and this internship and contrasting it with Indian education, I know we’ve got a long way to go.
First and foremost this concept of doing an MBA or any masters right after undergrad needs rethinking. I have not a single 22 year old in my class, the youngest being 26 years old with 3 years of work ex. Working brings so much perspective to ones thought process and orients your mind to thinking like senior management unlike the fresh faced almost kids graduating as MBA’s.
Being an intern here is serious business with all of us working on high impact projects – a little unnerving but also a great challenge, and you’re expected to build off from your work experience as well as the education youre getting in B school to be able to handle it. In short the MBA focuses on making you a manager, a leader and a businessman – not someone who can read textbooks and regurgitate information on a written test. In fact, most of my classes in the second half were not even written tests - they were case analyses, projects, presentations etc.
Which brings me to the second thing – testing. Indian MBA’s have to move away from the written test format as well. I had a few friends go to Bschool in Mumbai and saw them cram from textbooks the night before the exams much in the same fashion I studied for engineering – textbook rote. That takes away from application altogether.
Thing is, we all come to the US for higher education for many of the same reasons – its just a richer quality here. Which does make a case for brain drain. Its not just engineers and PHD students the US is luring away now, its also business professionals, future leaders. Funny thing is the US is under flak for giving jobs to so many Indians so ideally they wouldn’t want us here, whereas India would, but there arent enough opportunities anymore.

Its almost surreal how if I was back in India everythings changed with my circle of friends – we’re in the 27-28 age band now, and everyone back home is married/engaged/formally announced marriage. I was in for a HUGE shocker when I found out my best friend is pregnant after her marriage last year. It was GREAT news, but unexpected. She’s extremely excited about it, and so am I but it was strange nonetheless. Here I am being a student and my bestest friend, the closest thing to a sister is pregnant! Thing is, we’ve lived 5 mins from each others house since the last 20 years, gone to the same school, college, moved to the states together so her life is very synonymous with mine.. except the marriage of course. So when she called to tell me shes pregnant for the first ten mins of that phone conversation I dint believe her! I of course had to make up for that by sending her red velvet cake. I cant imagine her being a mommy – we’re such kids ourselves. I LOVE animated movies, rides, lollipops, am scared of scary movies, I LOVE Dave and Busters and Universal studios and disneyland and my idea of parenting is cuddling up to a baby. So is hers!

Speaking of friends – the other best friend from Mumbai finally had the time to write me an email last night. It gives me no explanation as to why she never had even 5 minutes to write back, or wish me, or reply to my calls, or facebook messages. She dint even reply to a thread I had posted on her facebook wall asking how she’s doing. She’s quitting her job next month and will be taking a break and I feel like she wrote to me because her time opened up, which hurt. I don’t think I will reply to this email, simply because I think she doesn’t deserve a reply from me. Guess ill see her when I go home in december. I feel bad, but enough of this being there for someone to walk on and then be there again when they need you.
In other news, I got a car! Im now a full fledged working girl living alone (temporarily) driving to work, cooking over the weekend and wait, I sound 45.

The Wine phase

Has now begun. Ive graduated into the 'wine lover' zone. Although Im a novice - sticking to the sweeter Reisling and Merlot varieties. Although this move doesnt seem of significant importance by itself, it signals a life changing event.. a move into maturity if I can say so. Let me put it this way - wine parties used to be those boring old events when people are fussing over a bit of fungii and which decayed bit of cheese would break down more with a slight sip of the wine or which combination of a half cracker, mini berry and wine would set off a symphony on your tongue. (I was clearly very amused.) I remember being at a fairly expensive wine bar in the first few months of me reaching the US and texting a friend about an exit strategy from under the table. Seriously, my patience for moth eaten smelly cheese and elaborating on the fermentation of a grape into an aromatic teasing drink was very very low. The people at the party were all married, me and my friend being the only single (and bored) ones there. I distinctly remember the duration of my sigh (of relief) when we actually left, i think it spanned a few minutes.

Therefore this graduation into liking wine, is significant not to say the least. Its an acceptance of the changing conversation and an evolution of taste. A glorious move towards turning older (dammit) You know, there was a time not so long ago that everyone around me was getting married. Now everyone and their neighbors are making babies! Seriously, there are close to 6 pregnant women in my life right now. I'ma have a hard time catching up!

I'm now living alone - its funny that its 27 years of my life later. Better late than never - I'm alone for the 2 months of my summer internship before I move into a new house with a new roommate. Its not so bad at all, I have me a bottle of wine while eating dinner and this walking about the house naked thing is not overrated at all. I celebrated the move in with a luxurious bubble bath and then dinner. After my experience with my previous house where the ac dint work in the summer and the heat dint in the winter and sharing a bathroom with one girl, I deserve royal treatment and thats what I'm gonna get me.

The streets of New York

I'm here just a day, and in LOVE. I realize coming from a city like Mumbai where everything's always on the move, with the hustle bustle of people and life, a slow smaller city could at max, entertain me for a while. So compared to where im studying, which is a city i LOVE, but is a smaller student town nonetheless, NY is like home.

I did a lot of the usual touristy things today, walked 45 hours (just kidding, i mean 10) took a subway, rode a tram, went to central park. A familiar feeling overcame me when I was at the subway station and in the train - when I saw an old impoverished, beggar in the train everyone was staying away from. America, and the city I live in had sheltered me from this feeling which plagued me in Mumbai - the feeling of helplessness, of wanting to reach out and help someone, and not being in a position to. Texas is a rich state and the homeless probably lead a better life at this point than I do, as a student. However, NY is a reality check, the same ol cutthroat do or die, survival of the fittest, home to the richest and streets to the poorest - just like Mumbai. when I saw this man, knowing I had not the money or the resources to do ANYTHING and my dollar is meaningless - it was a ride back to the familiar feeling in Mumbai when the streets riddled with people who could use my help, and yet I couldnt. I remember spending a substantial part of my pay on beggars, homeless and other such - i even remember my ex boyfriend and I having numerous arguments over my methods of helping and how upset I would get. but. this. feeling. wont. go. i guess in a lot of ways ill have to learn to live with it.

there are so many things similar between these two cities. both throb with the humdrum of daily lives, of rush and haste and no time to waste, both have a life and soul which transcends the concrete jungle they are engulfed in, both make you fall in love with the lights and sounds and hopes and dreams they allow you to dream. Little wonder it is then, that people try SO HARD to make a life happen in these cities- they allow people to dream that dream of a hope ..

friends who moved here from smaller towns in India to big schools like NYU, Columbia, saddled with the expenses of staying here lived 6 people to a 2 bed for 2 years to get a fantastic job to pay it off in a year. surprised?

New york isnt as plastic and sterilized as some other cities in America, it isn't squeaky clean, it isnt free of hand carts and pedestrian painters and homeless people who sing and play for you in the subway, of bands too poor to have an album but talented enough to make you tear up as you wait for your train (true story) - but new york feels real.

I realize its been AGES since ive been on my beloved blog when my fingers flew a the speed of lightning as I wrote this, no time for even spellchecks. I missed this! anyone who i used to read / read me still around? holla! better yet, anyone in NYC?!

Tying it up

Its that time of year - the one when we reflect on the year gone by, ruminate the accomplishments and dissappointments, weigh them all in to see where the scales tip to decide the success of the year.

I'm doing the same. albeit sitting in another country. in an apartment in a city apart from the one I moved to, the third Im visiting this christmas. A change I could'nt forsee myself last new years even stretching my imagination. Last year this time I was contemplating a job change to be that 'stimulant' in my life. In retrospect, that would've been a mild ripple in the wave of change Im engulfed in.

So where are the scales tipped? This has been a good good year. I'm glad I had the courage to get out of the shell I was living in, protected by friends and family pigeonholed in the same routine. This was as out there as I could throw myself, and Im lucky to have had parents support me through my decision. I had aunts and uncles who wanted me to 'get engaged' before I left because 'it was the right thing to do' (long distance for two years with a stranger, no thanks)

In my five months here Ive travelled to 3 cities Ive always wanted to visit already - Seattle, SF and Im in Los Angeles for the new years! San Diego is a road trip that could happen 2 days from now (fingers crossed). Of course this is austerity at its best - tickets booked 2 months in advance at cheapest days and dates staying with distant friends and relatives and who not.

I've also relearnt to be a student - broke, hungry, sleepy, frustrated, stingy, - the whole enchillada. I've re-learnt to be in situations where I'm not familiar with the dicsussion and not feeling out of place - we get complacent with our knowledge and positions at our jobs, dont we?Being a student at 26 with 4 years of work ex and oodles of money to be spent on 'necessities' such as bags and shoes and other extravangazas and now adjusting to one bag and 3 pairs of regular footwear is just all kinds of wrong'

I've learnt to sit in one place with a book and pore over it for hours and not turn on facebook. (ok, this one took some time!) I learnt to cook - this was a big one. From a make only chai person I now make dals, rice, chicken biryani, peas potato, cabbage, ladyfinger u name it, I cook it! big big accomplishment for me! I documented each little one by sending during and after pictures of everything I cooked to my mom - overdoing it? yes! but thats the Indian way no? of excesses and exaggerations? :)

All in all, a year of a lot of learning, re-learning, letting go, holding on. 2011, here I am!

Perceptions

Its a desi thing. Coming to terms with being a whole new city with different morals and attitudes and adjusting can be difficult; I understand. Trying to adjust, finding a comfortable place with your differing accent, dressing maybe and overall value system, also unnerving I guess.

What I dont understand is being in the age bracket of 25-30 years, in business school carrying age old complexities of an inferiority/superiority complex, judgement issues, masks and an overall intricate web of overlapping masks and alternating behaviour. Shouldnt we all be in that age where we've all proven ourselves, academically and professionally in some ways or the other, to be well settled in our accomplishments and confident in our skin? I have reached a climax of feeling frustrated with the 'desi' junta in my batch. FOB's if you may (fresh off the boat). All of them seem saddled with overwhelming complexes in some form or the other manifesting in various forms such as judging others, a certain amount of concealing of facts, undermining or overstating oneself and most of all - jealousy.

I'm thankful for my upbringing when faced in a situation like this - I compete with myself. I'm well aware that I dont want an IB jor or corp finance like most of the others so competing with them is pointless innit? Talking about completion of homework or constant status of studying in a comparative scale is something I neither have the time nor the inclination to do. Im comfortable enough to have worn a churidar kurta to school on a few occasions when there was no special day (and gotten a lot of compliments!!), comfortable enough not to roll my r's since I dont anyway, admit that this was my first Halloween and ask questions about traditions and customs here in the US without pretending Ive lived here forever Cause I HAVENT!

Im finally at a crescendo of wanting to not associate with such narrow minded intensely competitive set of people, Im here to make friends, have fun, study, work and open my mind to new perspectives NOT to carry with me all the petty ridiculousness that I left behind when I was 20. No Offence to anyone, but Im just too busy making the most of every day of these two years of my life that I JUST.DONT.HAVE.TIME.FOR.BULLSHIT.

Being pretty good at ignoring people I dont like being one of the things I do well, I succeed decently in this effort, but then there are days, like today. Things so miniscule that my blog would be mad at me if I ranted about them. This mood certainly wasnt good at the botched attempt at Palak daal, and aaloo sabji. Luckily I have an Oreo cookie chocolate chip whipped cream frosted cupcake to cheer me up. AH. just the thing!

Seattle!

I feel as though I dont write as much as I should. Thank MBA for giving me barely enough time to shower each day and thats probably all the time I get to myself each day! So where am I writing from now? A coffee shop at Seattle, doing the American thing - sitting with my laptop and a Java chocolate chip frappacino catching up with emails and blogging. Although I must do my readings for class. :-/

Ive been trying to get myself to leave this coffee shop since the past hour, but the music, just wont let me. Its a beautiful medley of the blues and some french music and its got me hooked. A window seat and perfectness. Its been 3 months since Ive been alone, literally. and thats cos im in a new city where I knew only the 30 people I came with most of whom have left now. MBA Means im perpetually with people, my study group my roomate or other people I need to be around;. This is the first time Im by myself in a place where I can just marinate in my own thoughts and 'do my thing'

The last three days have been a whirlwind of meeting 6 companies, none of which hire me cos im an International student but this experience was intense. It was worth my time and money just coming down here for so many reasons - I got to know some of my classmates better. I was sharing a room with 3 other girls - all americans and they were lovely. There's a reason id tell new students heading abroad not to just hang with Desis, cause thats the easy thing to do, but getting to know different people is just such a stimulating experience! Our hotel is downtown so It was phenomenal - walking out the street meant looking at seriously stylish people wearing their winter wardrobe and an occasional woman in something so tiny that it makes me wonder how shes doing it! (perspective - I have on 5 layers of clothes right now). Visiting companies gave me a good feel of the American work culture and a sense of what it would be like working here. I got the impression that it isnt as structured as it is back home - team of 3-4 working for a boss who has a boss who has a boss and hence your ass is always covered cause of the hierarchy - here its more like you are your own boss and u dont hve a team to necessarily get things done but you have to figure out a way to do them anyway. Im not sure if ill love it or hate it, but ill give it a try!

I am so loving this music in this coffee shop, Its been over an hour and a half and I dint even realize it. Im gonna walk over to the Space needle now, pictures later!

Waiitt for me!

The life of an MBA in a foreign country in a top ranked school is only any one of the following adjectives - sleep deprived, overworked, mad-ass fun, crazyfucking hectic and or stressful. As I eat me some cereal for dinner and granola bars for lunch at times, I realize what a crazy crazy ride Im on. And how im getting killed with the workload, deadline pressure and basic survival, and yet I'm hoping these two years take their time getting by.

I walk into my room, look at the furniture I bought and assembled (well a little help with that! whats the point of having boys as neighbours if they cant lend a hand right?), at how bare the house was when I moved in and how I cook and clean now as though im playing house. I remember how clueless I was when I first got here, barely two months ago (and still am in a lot of regards) but how this feels like home now. My classmates and study group are the most diverse lot of people Ive ever EVER had the pleasure of being around - the ONLY thing they all have in common is BEING RIDICULOUSLY smart. I need some dumber people to bring down the median of the grade distribution please! The people are awesomely nice, most wonder how I know such good English, and I find it hard to explain how I lived the life of a Mumbai girl which in hindsight I think is quite 'Americanised' to say. It's easier to blend in for me this way - I feel like I took to everything (except the studying) very well and in time.

I only complain about my time management skills right now. I have estimated, using intense mathematical and statistical tools that in order to complete everything on my plate on time, not miss a submission and or a planned event, my productivity has to be 'any 3 errands per minute'. This of course is in simplified terms for the blogverse. I missed the Indian Bhangra night on friday night as a result of my inability to assign time well, and boy what a miss it was. ONLY a million people went, all my friends came back home drunk out of their minds with a whole lot of gossip packed into that one night. Correlation between number of people drunk/quantity of drunkeness and hook ups that night? VERY HIGH. Being a bystander is fun. But now, after what Ive gone through just making it to today, I need to be very wasted sometime this week to get accounting out of my mind. In other words, this is get serendipity drunk week, and every one's invited. and expected to support :D Did i mention the official 'Think and drinks' we have each Thursday night (yes, I have a 3 day weekend) which are organised by SCHOOL? School is very supportive of our extra curricular activities, for sure. I always knew I selected it right :D

Two selves dwell within our beast

--- From Goethe's Faust.
I was studying Microeconomics since a while now. It is therefore possible that the forthcoming analogies could be a derivative of the words I've read and the correlation with events surrounding my life consequently.

Today was a day of scattered thoughts, of insistent surprises, of periodic reminders of how acting in one's best interests is actually the best way - the ONLY way to really live life. Living with parents and being surrounded by people who love you and will willingly adjust to your whims and fancies and be your comfortable fall back armchairs makes a person soft. I am soft. I am also an idiot. I trust easy and love easy and believe in the general goodwill of life. While I love spending time by myself (it is essential to reflect on oneself intrinsically as much as externally) the very idea of individualism gives me a sense of overwhelming claustrophobia. I love being surrounded by people, by open spaces, by atmospheres of symbiotic existence. I love being cared for and caring, being loved and loving, giving of myself and receiving of another - I just cannot imagine an existence contained within myself.

Thus when I live with someone who cannot see a life beyond herself, who doesn't feel the need to be considerate or even slightly caring to someone shes living with, I just do.not.associate. Friends kiddingly refer to my mother henly tendencies as funny sometimes but then again, I just disclaimered y'all right? I cannot imagine thinking of and for myself in everything I do.

On the other hand, I was shocked at the turn of events this morning when a friend I was counting on for something of monumental importance gave way at the very last minute. I was blindsided by his response that he dint do what he had promised me he would - this very nearly was a very expensive mistake for me, one that I could avert but only after time and energy spent that could have been easily avoided. He was aware of the importance of this extremely tiny favour he was doing for me - one that I was obligated to ask for since he had access to certain facilities I did not, at the time. Still, he ended up meeting me at the function wherein I needed these documents and informs me that he dint get mine! I was in a fix. It took all of my energy not to panic and lose control of the situation at that very instant and figure out what best to do.

It worked out in the end, but it was a learning experience for me. I forgot that I'm in an atmosphere of academic competition, survival of the fittest. Even if I was inherently aware of the underlying competition, I always thought that dirty games and being underhanded took away more of a persons energy than added to his advantage.ill never manage the stress of being petty and shrewd. smarter? yes, I have to get. a better judge of character? hellyeah. its now or never!

Moving countries has a lot more to teach me than I thought and obviously 26 years of being a grown up doesnt mean I know the ropes.

Serendipity Reloaded v2.1

Wow. Fighting blogggers block sure is tough. Especially when in the last two months of not blogging, said blogger moves countries, shifts life stages and starts getting her butt busted in an academic envoirnment she's trying to keep pace with.

How do i even qualify what the past two months have been. The run up to moving here - halfway across the world away from my comfort zone was as suspected an emotional roller coaster with apiness and excitement playing ball with sadness and anxiety about what lies beyond and what I left behind. I miss home - I miss my friends. I miss having people around me who know EXACTLY what I mean, and who'll auto complete my sentences. I miss Mom and her hugs and her bugging me to use sunscreen. I miss Mumbai and the sound of the sea - the beautiful hum drum of the waves. At the same time, I love the space here, the wonderful refreshing air not reeking of pollutants. I love the dignity of the place and people who will gracefully allow a pedestrian to pass with a smile, the cashiers who will tell you to have a great day with an infectious smile. How the switches go the other way around and the cars are on the opposite ends of the street. How I still look the wrong way and still get my dimes and cents wrong. How I hate having to wait a week to do laundry and even more when that draws into two. I love how I have another shot at being mysef again - the mellowed me just wasnt quite right. How I'm like a kid in a candy shop marvelling at these new things Im seeing and doing.

I hate how I have a new life and I love it too. A dichotomous reaction to the space and time I am now ensconed in. A crossroad where I can make it or break it.
I am excited about what lies ahead- This past month settling in is a good indication of what I can expect in the future. At the same time I left a lot behind - there's a part of my heart with someone I cant get back. And I think I have a part of his. Where we'll go and what we'll be, I dont know.
Life is funny. It'll throw a pile of emotions for you to deal with at the same time - who needs an MBA when you've got god pulling at the strings of your life?! This is time management, emtions management and priority setting at the very best application Ill ever find.

Today is one of those days - when Im suddenly feeling 50,000 miles away from home. Its a strange feeling, not being able to call HOME because of logistic issues!! Hello, I want my mommie please? yeah Iknow, im an improved version and all that but I dont profess to being able to do without my mom. :-/ Bittersweet. solitary. strange. Back for more. Im not all about the hard stuff :)