I was driving to the airport to pick up a friend last night and thought about my impending visit home. I realized since the last few days I'm going over the moment of first sight - the second my eyes see my mom, and dad, and friends at the airport.. I obsess over the details of what I'll be wearing and what my mom and dad will look like- will they have more grey hair, will my dad be wearing his 1986 corduroys which he's been obsessing about getting into since the past year? As I turned into a lane leading to the airport I actually turned towards my house in Mumbai, all the visuals replaced by familiar shadows of the trees and buildings dotting the skyline... I snapped out of it a few seconds later when my phone reminded me that I was still here.. far far away..
Its amazing how significant that moment is to me .. its been 1.5 years away from home for me, the longest I've ever lived apart from family. It is certainly true that I've molded into being more 'single' and independent than I ever was - but yet, I cant wait to get back to being that girl in her house, in that comfort bubble where she doesn't have to fret about bills and laundry and the next months rent. Where she can just lay back and have tea ready and transcend into that mini escape from reality called moms lap.
Much as I await my trip, I am also antsy about how these past 1.5 years will play out in the month that Im home. Being OVER COMMITTED in extracurricular student activities, as well as working off campus 20 hours a day, PLUS school work (which an at MBA level here is dizzying) means I am paralyzed if i don't check my email 36 times a day (if not more). My first instinct after I turn off my alarm is to check email to see if anything earth shattering happened in the 6 hours that I slept. I shudder that much as I look forward to a month at home having nothing to do, I might yearn for the frenetic pace of my life here.
I worry that I have become too 'business ish'. The other day in conversation with a really close friend whose married and pregnant, I was surprised how bored I was talking about the same ol group of friends back home - gossip that was meaningless, redundant and a waste of time. I remember these same conversations two years ago which would be fun, chatty, tingling with scandal - and how indulging in it would be as interesting as a conversation on the economic proliferation of China. Not anymore!
How different getting into that plane on the way back is going to be - last year when i got into the flight here, i was throwing myself into uncertainty, (i didnt know i then, but also misery) I dint have a house rented, only 2 bags of stuff to my name. I was nervous and excited and till date i cannot reconcile which was the predominant feeling. This time though, ill come back to a nice house with a new roomate, my car which i think spend 30% of my time in.. an established circle of friends, and the last semester of the MBA. where has the time gone, and how did I grow up so soon?
2 comments:
Don't, S. Don't think about how it would be when you first get there, don't worry if you will adjust or not. It's not worth it, and nothing changes. You'll slip into your old clothes without a second thought, walk barefoot, taste stuff by dipping your finger into it all without thinking twice. It doesn't go away :)
Go with a bare minimum list of things you want to do, and spend the rest of your time sitting and regaling your parents of (only happy) stories of life abroad.
*hug* Enjoy your visit home, and savour it.
PS: If something is really important, people will call you. Fuck email and social networks :)
I second Aditya. Going by what I went through, you started having two parallel lives the moment you left for the US, even though you don't realize it. And it'll hit you when you go back home - when you slip right back into what you were (of course, there are certain habits that will take a little time to let go of, like asking for lunch at 12 and dinner at 6-7). But apart from that, you'll realize that your life in the US is completely disconnected from that in India. Like you really have two parallel lives where people in one have no idea of what's going on in the other. See how it plays out, but I feel you won't mind it :)
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