A toast, to the one person who -
Bought me looney tunes band aids who KNOWS I stub my toes and walk into furniture as a routine
Is as patient as a cow
Is always there to fall back on, without me knowing it
Puts up with all my antics
Actually UNDERSTANDS the logic I put into things, and agrees with me.
Lets me rant ON and ON about some silly thing and listens
Lets me tell him the SAME story 3 times and still listens
Is clearly VERY good at listening
Wraps each gift separately
Knows I suck and wont send him anything and wont be mad about it
Understands how small things are big things for me, and pretends they’re as big
Hears me say something stupid, keeps silent for a minute and then bursts out laughing
Calls me Betty Cooper cos of allll the reasons
Encouraged me like HELL to grow my hair
Convinced me I could grow out of being a tomboy and to help started calling me ‘young lady’ in all greetings
Understands that I need MUCH MUCH more space of my own than normal people and just LETS ME BE!
Is actually wayyy nicer than me, but tells me otherwise
Asks me double negative questions on purpose cos he knows, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I cant answer ‘em.
Has named his (non existent) dog ‘Edward Longshanks’
Has 234576849 GB of questionable material on his hard drive and then acts sheepish about it.
I just realized im gonna run out of bullet points and still have tones to say, but for the meantime… Happy Birthday Jack. I hope you have a blast! The ONLY areas of improvement I see for you are -
STOP asking me double-negative questions
Send me more gifts he he
STOP naming non existent dogs. Else before I know it, your gonna pretend to take them out for walks and then it’ll just get freaky.
Be MORE excited for birthdays! This nonchalant ‘ah whats there’ attitude will get you nowhere!