Monday, June 27, 2011

I cant believe after 4 years of working and a year of being a student later, I still hate monday mornings. I genuinely loathe them. I wake up feeling cranky and sunday evenings are generally sulking. Yes good info to have in order to date me.

This weekend was great though - saturday was run errands day - I finally got my license plates for the new car (of course putting them on will happen only next week), got an oil change and the tires rotated for $40 which in India would cost 200Rs or so? like $4 gah. AND watched a movie - Bad teacher. the other half of the name of this movie is Bad teacher, Mediocre movie. It's like one of those Hindi film movies where the extremely obvious things happen, the good guy gets the girl and alls well that ends well. It was overall fun, I was in the mood for a light chick flick and being at the Alamo Drafthouse where you can order wine, beer or even cocktails and a full menu of food during the movie, was great.

Saturday night was girls night and we got wine, cheese, garlic bread, roast asparagus, potatoes, roast chicken and cheesecake and had a chat-athon! Since we were all from different cohorts and to ease the bitching process we pulled out the facebook (the BOOK, not the Site) for reference. It's strange though. out of the 3 married women that night, 2 are getting divorced. In fact, we were at Michelles house for dinner and her (ex) husband had just moved out the week before. One of my closest friends S is leaving her husband too. Both are under 35 and S has a beautiful 4 year old son who I just wan to run away with and call my own. My Indian conservative mentality makes me feel bad at the word 'divorce' but I'm happy for both having had the courage to make the decision.

I dont see any real reason for S's unhappiness - her husband (Was) nice, caring, a great father (ofcourse now he's a wounded lion and behaves it). She feels 'meh' about him now. I feel as though she's in the MBA program with a bunch of younger women, who're mostly single, hooking up with boys here and there and keeping their own time, and she feels weighed down. I've seen that shift in her from a devoted wife to someone who suddenly felt shackled by her marriage. Nothing changed in that equation except her.. I support her decision to move on 100% .. since she seems happier now that she's made up her mind. At the same time, I only hope it isnt a decision based on a transient phase... yes we're all young, fun, single, with no responsibilities and therefore we act that way - carefree and self focused. School is also a place where you can lose yourself, sink or swim. There are some who find themselves, and others who lose who they are. Either way, these 2 years are not represent of the rest of our lives.

This chaos, tumult and insane life is fun for these years but real life hits you when you get to work. The routine sets into place, mindspace too... Im worried S is just in a place where she wants to be 25 again (which AGAIN, i am not saying is wrong) but she's giving up her marriage to be it. I hope its the right decision for her since its a big sacrifice - and there's an adorable little kid involved.

Not known to keep my thoughts to myself I've had a conversation with her about this yielding no results as expected. I guess what worries me more is her relationship with another guy at this point. Another guy who has already told her this isnt going anywhere and things wont work. Another guy with whom she has no future, but is continuing to pursue. Another guy, while being married to her husband. I'll support her through whatever she needs me for, but there's a part of this I dont like, and I dont want to see her hurt.

Makes me wonder. I recently read a Shobhaa De article where she spoke about the right to lave a marriage because it got 'boring' - I agree with her, at the same time, how do you know you've tried your best? This is also one of my greatest fears.. getting bored of the monotony of the husband, same sexual partner and seeing these instances just cements it. I can only imagine how Indian parents would take to a marriage ending because 'it got boring'.

Either way -I'm all for the idea of individuals taking control of their lives - with happiness being the key driver. After all, everyone deserves it - but leave me to wonder. Without the societal pressure to work harder and do everything in your will to work on your marriage or life and following an individualistic approach, will there be a breakdown in the institution of 'togetherness'? Will 'Just because I dont feel like it anymore' be the new 'Irreconcilable differences'?


Serendipity said...

//Yes good info to have in order to date me.

Definitely a contradiction within yourself...You can't pick out the focus on individuality & freedom (which affects marriage) here and wonder how-it-would-be in India...

If we tell people here that we discriminate on the basis of caste they'd be aghast too...Even something as minor as guys living with their mom & dads forever would raise a few eyebrows here.

BlueMist said...

You spoke my mind actually. and also on that "indian conservative mentality" about divorce. But I guess the person who is in the situation needs to take the call. We people of this generation , believe less in working things out ; drawing separate lines and moving on is easier way out that putting in all the efforts and still not knowing whether it will work or not.

Scarlett said...

Don't you think you're being a little judgemental? You may not be able to see the reason behind your friend's unhappiness, but that doesn't mean she isn't unhappy. A marriage can be boring even if the people involved make great husbands/wives/mothers/father.

I believe that whenever a relationship/marriage breaks up there are always things that people outside don't know. Only the two people involved know exactly what happened, and therefore we're not really in a position to second-guess someone's decision.

Your friend is in her 30s, I'm sure she has weighed the pros & cons of her decision. And if she feels "weighed down" by her marriage (note she's not feeling weighed down by her role as a mother, just as a wife), she has every right to pursue her happiness.

Serendipity said...

Hey Scar - I completely agree with you and support ym friend 100%. all im saying is i hope it isnt a transient feeling - cos there's so much at stake.. and im not even judging her.. if u read the post not once have i said howcould she or, shes being a fool or any judgemental words. all i voiced was my concern and apprehension at what lies ahead cos i love her and dont want her to make a silly mistake... ill support her even if she does tho.. cos we all do..

@Serendipity - hahaha, yeah contradiction fer sure :)

@Bluemist - yeah for sure, i feel like our generation puts in lesser of themselves.. i can speak for myself and say i dont have the tolerance, patience that my mom has..