The hardest thing to do, after a long absence here is to actually start a blog post. Life, after all, throws so much at you all the time that its hard to figure out where to start.
Things did not work out with me and P. He flew here, to make things work, but they didn't. I had built up that weekend in my head so much that maybe it was inevitable? I've come to firmly NOT be over enthusiastic about any upcoming events in my life, fearing that they will be less fantastic than anticipated - trips, events : I try not to think about them and live them before they happen to make sure they don't disappoint. And then, usually when they go of well, its a pleasant surprise.
So what went wrong? Many many things - first of all, I think I moved on a little bit, and he didn't. I think when we dated right before graduation, I was so intoxicated by being vulnerable to someone again, by being swept of my feet and doing things I'd never done before that I glossed over all his flaws and deal breakers. I missed all the signals then because I was enjoying being a fool in love. He was taller [wayy taller ], older, wiser and I LOVED being a little girl around him. I loved being the one who didn't have to know how to solve each problem and how to handle both people's emotions. In all my past relationships, me with my ultra large boisterous personality have managed to overtake the man's role in the relationship and oftentimes, be the man. Here, I didn't - I was wined and dined and dressed up and looked forward to feeling pretty.
So what changed? He came in that weekend prepared to talk about the logistics of long distance.. BUT wasn't sure when/if he wants to settle down. He is also one of those men who will avoid confrontation / conversations regarding ANYTHING serious like his life depends on it. I remember many an evening when I just wanted to talk about a bad day at work or something upsetting me in general, and he wouldn't know how to handle that : major deal breaker.
So here I am - single again, and loving it* [*Terms and conditions apply].
In lieu of the impending 29th birthday and my new years resolution this year, I've decided that these two months have to be the most fun by far. My new years resolution this year was to reduce my "Never have I ever's"and by Joe, I've done new and different things. Went on a grouper , went on my first date ever with a boy who wasnt a friend / friends friend [ was a lottt of fun!], Joined swing dance class, Joined a bunch of like minded people groups on Meetup, Traveled to Turkey, New York. Boston, Niagara Falls, Chicago, Houston - going to Florida Keys over thanksgiving with two friends and home to Mumbai in December. All in all, cant complain. Life, after all, is what you make of it, and I'm trying to make it large!