To thine own self be true....Shakespeare
Pretenses. Thats what Ive been thinking about for a while now... Its one of those *verbs* thats almost an integral part of our lives. I Hate the word, the action, the whole feeling altogether. Its like being someone else isnt it? Pretending.
We spend so much time behind our walls, our self defence mechanisms that the last thing we need is something else to hide our true self behind.So why do we do it in the first place? To be accepted? To be liked? To be Popular? To hide our own true feelings? Sometimes its a combination of all of the above. For reasons best known to the person himself/herself.
Its interesting to observe in people though... Ive seen the most confident of people be someone they're actually not. Hide behind feelings, emotions and actions which are 'socially acceptable' or 'admirable'. Dust away insecurities (which might be very much present) and shrug away introspection. Say only attacking statements which leave no opening for judging the person himself/herself.
I'm a fan of maintaining dignity by polite silences, gracefully withdrawing from a heated situation or not being in places which you feel uneasy in. Having said that, I will never be in a place where Im not myself. I am comfortable in the skin Im in, and wont feel the need to undervalue what im feeling or being someone Im not. If i dont like you, i dont like you. Im not going two ways about it. If I dont like hanging out with you, I wont do it. I wont NOT like you, BUT hang out with you, AND then bitch behind your back. Thats just not me.
I dont 'get' such people either. How can you NOT have a mind of your own? Or be a hypocrite? Doesnt a voice inside revolt against you? Doesnt your conscience say 'How can you do such a thing?'.
Theres a difference in protecting yourself and being someone else altogether. I once knew a friend, many years ago who was extremely helpful, extremely sweet, extremely caring and all that. To the point of being a doormat. If she was a friend, you could treat her anyway you wnated to , but she'd be there. I think being there no matter what and all is all good, but she went to ridiculous extremes. It was only a few years later that i figured that she was afraid that if she wasnt that nice to us, we wouldnt like her, Which was absolutely untrue. She was a perfectly smart, fun, and caring person to start off with, and she need'nt have been that way with us to be liked anyway.
Its about believing in yourself. Knowing your worth it. And having friends who will stick by you even when you make some bad choices, or wake up in a nasty mood, and start over millions of times. I know i certainly do. Ive been lucky to have a few people who have had steadfast belief in me, and loved me, through my decisions and phases (and Ive had many). Cause in the end, thats what counts.
Being able to pick up the phone and saying 'hey' and getting one back.