Sunday, November 30, 2008

*update - deletion of some points which were sensitive.

Im battling so many emotions right now. Im not sure how to vent my anger, frustration and im not even sure what im feelin right now.

I went for the candle light vigil at Marine Drive a while back, lit a candle, said the National Anthem.... the experience was overwhelming, the turnout tremendous. I couldnt hold back tears as we sang the National Anthem as images of Hemant Uncle, Akash doing the final rites came into my eyes. The mood of everyone was clear - angry, frustrated and fed up. People help up placcards saying 'We dont care who resigns, we dont care whose there, we want safety', others saying ' Can you hear us Mr. C.M. (who by the way went on a tour of both hotels with Ram Gopal Verma and his son Riteish Deshmukh as part of his offical entourage.) This is our leader, the chief minister of our state abusing his power. He ought to do us a favour and kill himself.

I come home to my dad whom Ive seem for brief moments since friday...
Im angry, and upset. I want to go to bed knowing hes done his duty and that now he deserves more than 2 hours of sleep a night, and spend some time with his family. Selfsh that sounds, but i dont care. He hasnt had time to deal with the trauma hes been through too.

One more thing thats really pissed me off. The image of Akash in todays paper doing the last rites of Hemant Uncle shows him standing next to some random girl who theyve labelled as 'Karkares son and Daughter mourning'. Cant they get their facts right? I mean, how irresponsibel can you be? If i were to labe a client brand wrong in a presentation, Id be sacked. and this was on the front page of the paper!

When i went to drop my dad off, I saw the whole inside, which has been boarded off so no photographers/media can peek inside like the Taj. What i saw was eerie slience, in a hustling bustling place Ive been so many times before, with bullet holes near the lift, glass of the entire lobby, of both the oberoi and the trident shattered... the blood and bodies have been cleared completely. I walked into the charred remains of Kandahar, the indian restaurant which was almost my favoritre (second to Frangipani). It was heart breaking..I didnt take any pictures out f respect for my dad who doesnt want any ghaslty images leaked to the press, and also since we are all tryign to get the past few days out of the forefront of our memories, let alone takign snaos that will put them right back. My mom and I stared speechless at a coat slung over a chair casually, half burned, presumably that of a guest dining there. All hostages were taken from Kandahar, so im guessing he would be one of them. If not, i hope hes one of the (few survivors), since 2 grenades burst in this hotel too.

It was an eerie experice, I couldnt hold back as i stepped into Tiffin for a minute.. the restaurant which suffered the most casualties. Knowing each person seated in tat restaurant is now dead was unnerving, I pray for the souls of everyone who was there...

Im angry, upset, frustrated (ive said this before havent i?) and hurt. Just running out of ways to deal with it.

9 comments:

Minal said...

Dear blogger, I don't know your name but i salute your dad and many others like him. I wouldn't say " i know how you feel " but i can understand what kind of stress and trauma you hand your family had to go through. I am a clinical psychologist and a animal therapist. and through this blog i would like to help all the families and survivors of these horrifying blasts. You can contact me on 9987509102 if you feel you need a comforting and reassuring hug from a trained therapy dog.

This is our way of lending out a helping hand/paw. I can only imagine how the police force, commandos, fire fighter and all the rescue workers must be dealing with post traumatic stress. Please give us a chance to help those how have made us live another day in Mumbai.

Minal Kavishwar, Animal Angels Foundation

Serendipity said...

How sweet.. thanks
Will also pass on this msg to others..

Smita said...

:-(

Daniel said...

Hey there Serendipity,

Though I cannot imagine what you've been going through, I can certainly identify with the helplessness. I felt the same way the first day of the attacks.

I've actually listed down a few thoughts on my blog about what I feel would be a helpful way to channel any anger and frustration.

They mostly include writing letters to the media and people with influence telling them how we feel and what we believe should be done about it.

I don't know how helpful this is going to be, but it would be great if for some reason, this was picked up and became a national movement :-)

Gray Dot said...

I am reading the past few of your posts regularly. Feel the same frustration you do.

A bit of friendly advise, if you are not able to handle the stress, try getting some qualified help.

s said...

hi
i dont mean to be rude but how do you explain your visit to the trident / oberoi when you've criticized the CM taking along his family ?
Jo

Serendipity said...

Hi Jo. I think its fair to go visit your dad when he hasnt been home since a week isnt it?

And, the presence of Riteish is not as big a problem as the one of Mr. Ram Gopal Verma, a prominent filmmaker in the official entourage is.

s said...

youve described your visit as "going to drop off your dad" and seeing the inside of the hotel. not a visit to "visit him". clearly you visited the different resturants too . on what basis really ?
why is the presence of ritesh not a problem ? It is not like family members touring places of public tragedy is a perk of the job, is it ?
i dont have a problem either way , i am just reacting to using two different scales to measure similar actions of two different people.

karmickids said...

Sheesh, I dont believe people start getting trollish on such a minor issue. Cmon folks, her dad was inside. During the attack. Let her be. Vilasrao Deshmukh didnt even wander near the premises till the all clear was sounded.