Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I'm closer to where I started..


It's finally over and done with. The last day at work, for the next two years. After the past 4 years 1 month and 15 days of working in 2 companies, I finally said goodbye to my office on thursday, 15th April. I henceforth rewind the clock backwards into 2 years of studenthood, in another city, on another continent and a whole new world.

It was bittersweet - the last day at work. We underestimate how much people you spend at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week begin to mean to us. On some heavy work months I spent more time with colleagues than even family! I left packing my desk and all its collectibles until the very last day - I couldnt imagine sitting there with a bald, empty desk even for a day. Its strange that the only things I had started off with were a frame of Ganpati and a picture frame of my Mom and I. Everything else on my desk accumulated over 3 years - farewell gifts, momentos, travel gifts, thank you gifts, secret santa gifts - you name it. Needless to say my desk was one more article away from being rented out by Hallmark.

It was those little things Ill remember most - packing away tiny gifts and remembering what they were for, getting that last signature on my full and final and submitting my swipe card - that loss of belonging, deleting all signs of my person on the computer - pictures, links, changing my screensaver. As I mailed myself all my bookmarked links - blogs of people I checked each day, I realized how attached I was to the well being and the updates of a few bloggers, strangers I'd bumped into, but who occupy a few minutes of my life each and every day. Now that was a realization.

I'm melancholic about having left - I had a great experience, with super bosses and a fantastic team, very fun peers and fantastic opportunities. I was a misfit of sorts, a person without a masters in a highly specialized niche, managing only through common sense and confidence. My last day turned out to be a fitting one as my friends made me a very thoughtful collage of all our pictures, painstakingly selected to include each person I had a bond with - although they left out the smiling gentle kakas - the watchmen who wish you first thing everyday, the one who bought me prasad from Siddhivinayak each tuesday.

I tend to be tipped on the scale of sentimentalism, if my blog already dint indicate that. So that day, I was determined not to cry. I knew i'd find it hard, cos its me, but i was on a mission. The put on a brave face cos your moving on to a new phase in life face. So I went about the day, doing what I love most - talking to every person who made a difference to my years there, and clicking snaps with all of them, thinking up captions for each picture. Thing is, when your around for a long enough time, specially todays attrition-riddled generation, a stint of 3 years+ means your probably among the oldest employees around. It also means you know everyone from cross functional departments - commercial, HR, etc. I was surprised, and touched by the genuine affection I was bestowed with, one that served as a detriment to my no crying agenda. Did I pull it off though? Yes. I did. well, almost. The breaking point came when I was accompanied to the taxi by all of 15 people, more a spectacle than anything else (Had i been not so emotionally overwhelmed, I wouldve made inappropriate jokes about how this was like a scene from Hindi movies when one person is moving from the village to the city and almost the entire village comes to see him off). At that time though, I interpreted it all as love.

Thats the thing though, life is just so much more myriad when you magnify each emotion, when you give and receive, love and be loved. Life really, is about the living, not the surviving.

Its tough moving on from a place of comfort, a zone of accomplishment, where everyone knows you for who you are and what your capable of. I, look at it as stagnating. Battling strangely intricate feelings, saddled with a healing heart and uncertainties was not easy. But again, who said anything that was worth something is?

10 comments:

The knife said...

Bon Voayage.

The first job - friends, discoveries, highs, rap on the knucles, memories, heartburns, ecstacies, pay cheques - every bit is special

Piper .. said...

:):) aww..I know how you feel. I remember when I quit my job of 6 years to move to the US. In spite of a much tormented year of pursuing my resignation and a desperate need to quit, I still remember the hollow feeling when I landed up home after the last day at work. In front of a group of 25 people(cousin`s wedding day!) I burst out crying, much to everyone`s utter shock(including me)!!! :):) So I know exactly how you feel. BUt dont worry,Girl! You have some great times ahead, trust me.
So when is the big move and to where? I hope it`s close to Minneapolis :):)

Smita said...

Am still working with the first company that I had joined thus not gone thru what u have gone thru but can imagine how it must have felt :)

Back to studies?

perplexed said...

aww..

it must be tough to leave behind the familiar, comfortable surroundings.. It is..well.. according to me, brave.

I wish you more joy, success and love in the next phase! :)

90809eugeniopals said...

我喜歡用心經營的blog~ ^^.........................

Tamanna Mishra said...

The non masters.. The love for first job and the people you meet there.. The amount you get to learn.. The little collectibles - you had me weeping. LOL! First jobs really are the best. I quit mine last year and I am still waiting to rediscover the pleasure of small happiness and trivial everyday achievements that I guess now only a first job can bring. That said, good luck girl! The world is waiting for you - go show them the stuff you are made of! :)

dipali said...

Wishing you all the very very best for the next phase of life as a student. God bless you, and happy moving on.

怡婷 said...

困難的不在於新概念,而在於逃避舊有的概念。......................................................

ShilaLong0詩俊 said...

如果你批評他人。你就沒有時間付出愛......................................................

Just another Indian said...

all the best