There's a lot to be said about intuition - that little voice in your head that sometimes is right against all odds. I find that somehow, when I fall back on that 'Gut feel' Im somehow always right.
Understand it, I cant. Sometimes when all the odds are in my favor, and it seems like nothing could go wrong, I'll be doubting the outcome. 'Come on, your being paranoid', or 'Your being too much of a realist' are rationale offered to my uneasiness on accepting a situation by friends and family. After all, they've got reason, logic and facts on their side, whereas all ive got is a measly little 'But I Have a Bad feeling about this'. Explanations none, reason facts and logic even lesser.
People who explain things algorithmically fail to factor in the 'You-never-knows'. The flow of Your a good person? If yes ----> Good things will happen to you does not always apply. In fact, there are two categories of Good people - Good people to whom good things happen and Good people to whom good things happen after much ado and heartbreak, trials and tribulations. Fondly also called the 'Aa Bail Mujhe Maar' , loosely translated as 'Im right here wild bull, come n get me, Im even waving a red flag for you'category.
Ive seen Daddy go through it - a simple thing like a formality to be completed or a form to be filled... 7563485875 people ahead of him would get through with ease, and he'd get stuck since the person decided to be on a 3 month leave or some frivolous reason. Albeit, it would get done but was everything he had to go through even fair? We once celebrated a promotion since we got inside news from top quarters ... which fell through due to some highly placed politics. Honesty and Integrity were shown their true place in this world where time and again I realize we need to include selfishness, shrewdness and rid naivete of all forms from our portfolio of emotions.
I'd say I take in after him, and If someone can describe me as having even a third of the qualities he has, I'd be over the moon. His devotion to duty, deep rooted integrity, civic sense and strength of character have always made me in awe of him, and always will. That said, Im also as impatient, restless and lucked out as he is. Ive never known what it is like to have something 'easy' - be it grades in school, love, friends, or even a childish thing of winning a prize. The closest Ive come to winning a 'Prize' was 5 bottles of Citra at kids housie :) Mistake this not, it is not self pity that makes me write this, it is simply something unforgettable! (and funny)
I just need a little luck, a little break from tumultous situations and a little stretch of smooth road for a while, for sometimes even the strongest of minds and hearts wears thin.