I cannot be resigned to an occurence, event or state of being.
I cannot not have Butterflies in my stomach
I cannot align myself to forces of nature other than the ones I choose.
I cannot stand a calm unruffled serene existence (although i would crave one)
I cannot not be fiercely determined to want all my 'things'**
I can only be foolishly in tune with that little voice inside my head that will revolt against the sensiblest of ideas, and walk into complete disarray, defying all odds.
I can only be strong enough to deal with whatever the hells thrown at me
I can only be unnervingly independent cause in the end, its just me.
And I can know all the above and know that Ill be ok. Either which ways.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
There's a lot to be said about intuition - that little voice in your head that sometimes is right against all odds. I find that somehow, when I fall back on that 'Gut feel' Im somehow always right.
Understand it, I cant. Sometimes when all the odds are in my favor, and it seems like nothing could go wrong, I'll be doubting the outcome. 'Come on, your being paranoid', or 'Your being too much of a realist' are rationale offered to my uneasiness on accepting a situation by friends and family. After all, they've got reason, logic and facts on their side, whereas all ive got is a measly little 'But I Have a Bad feeling about this'. Explanations none, reason facts and logic even lesser.
People who explain things algorithmically fail to factor in the 'You-never-knows'. The flow of Your a good person? If yes ----> Good things will happen to you does not always apply. In fact, there are two categories of Good people - Good people to whom good things happen and Good people to whom good things happen after much ado and heartbreak, trials and tribulations. Fondly also called the 'Aa Bail Mujhe Maar' , loosely translated as 'Im right here wild bull, come n get me, Im even waving a red flag for you'category.
Ive seen Daddy go through it - a simple thing like a formality to be completed or a form to be filled... 7563485875 people ahead of him would get through with ease, and he'd get stuck since the person decided to be on a 3 month leave or some frivolous reason. Albeit, it would get done but was everything he had to go through even fair? We once celebrated a promotion since we got inside news from top quarters ... which fell through due to some highly placed politics. Honesty and Integrity were shown their true place in this world where time and again I realize we need to include selfishness, shrewdness and rid naivete of all forms from our portfolio of emotions.
I'd say I take in after him, and If someone can describe me as having even a third of the qualities he has, I'd be over the moon. His devotion to duty, deep rooted integrity, civic sense and strength of character have always made me in awe of him, and always will. That said, Im also as impatient, restless and lucked out as he is. Ive never known what it is like to have something 'easy' - be it grades in school, love, friends, or even a childish thing of winning a prize. The closest Ive come to winning a 'Prize' was 5 bottles of Citra at kids housie :) Mistake this not, it is not self pity that makes me write this, it is simply something unforgettable! (and funny)
I just need a little luck, a little break from tumultous situations and a little stretch of smooth road for a while, for sometimes even the strongest of minds and hearts wears thin.
Understand it, I cant. Sometimes when all the odds are in my favor, and it seems like nothing could go wrong, I'll be doubting the outcome. 'Come on, your being paranoid', or 'Your being too much of a realist' are rationale offered to my uneasiness on accepting a situation by friends and family. After all, they've got reason, logic and facts on their side, whereas all ive got is a measly little 'But I Have a Bad feeling about this'. Explanations none, reason facts and logic even lesser.
People who explain things algorithmically fail to factor in the 'You-never-knows'. The flow of Your a good person? If yes ----> Good things will happen to you does not always apply. In fact, there are two categories of Good people - Good people to whom good things happen and Good people to whom good things happen after much ado and heartbreak, trials and tribulations. Fondly also called the 'Aa Bail Mujhe Maar' , loosely translated as 'Im right here wild bull, come n get me, Im even waving a red flag for you'category.
Ive seen Daddy go through it - a simple thing like a formality to be completed or a form to be filled... 7563485875 people ahead of him would get through with ease, and he'd get stuck since the person decided to be on a 3 month leave or some frivolous reason. Albeit, it would get done but was everything he had to go through even fair? We once celebrated a promotion since we got inside news from top quarters ... which fell through due to some highly placed politics. Honesty and Integrity were shown their true place in this world where time and again I realize we need to include selfishness, shrewdness and rid naivete of all forms from our portfolio of emotions.
I'd say I take in after him, and If someone can describe me as having even a third of the qualities he has, I'd be over the moon. His devotion to duty, deep rooted integrity, civic sense and strength of character have always made me in awe of him, and always will. That said, Im also as impatient, restless and lucked out as he is. Ive never known what it is like to have something 'easy' - be it grades in school, love, friends, or even a childish thing of winning a prize. The closest Ive come to winning a 'Prize' was 5 bottles of Citra at kids housie :) Mistake this not, it is not self pity that makes me write this, it is simply something unforgettable! (and funny)
I just need a little luck, a little break from tumultous situations and a little stretch of smooth road for a while, for sometimes even the strongest of minds and hearts wears thin.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Of alcohol induced bonhomie
This weekend started out itself with a brilliant friday evening - and since I had a couple of events lined up for saturday as well as sunday I knew I was in for a tiring next coupla days.
'Made of Honour' was my weekend fiesta initiation. The movie is mostly flat with Patrick Dempsey being the only thing worth watching about it. Ok no, make that two things, there's a scene in the movie when he kisses Hannah (his best friend) that made my stomach plummet to my ankles or thereabout. [I'm wondering if im old enough to stop being flippy about these things?]
Dinner was at Ivy Lounge, with a glass of Merlot-something. I like this place, though I wish the inside was as nice as the outside. I have a theory about wine being had in a slightly dimly lit place, with mellow music and a nice companion. Its kind of an intimate drink, in my opinion.
Saturday night saw Serendipity at 'Shiro' - a lounge bar/club type place, with FANTASTIC ambience. Its a go-in-a-big-group or go alone with someone-you-have-so-much-fun-with-you-dont-care-whose-around type place. They serve a nasty Mojito, in a tall glass, no less which can make a happy person veryy happy. Add to this the house music they were playing and it all culminated into a brilliant time. The only bad move being some alcohol induced decision of 'Lets go to Bling' at 2.30 a.m. in the morning. There were all of 2 people not drunk, myself included and two cars so apparently since we had non drunk drivers = number of cars, we had problem solved. [except the tiny detail of Bling being at Andheri, and Shiro being at Worli, and most of us living in South Mumbai].
4-5+ Drinks raises enthusiasm levels to off the scale limits, hence we all set off, reached Bling at 3.15 to find out it would cost us about 3 grand a couple to enter. Did we enter? YOU THINK? Got home that errr morning at a shameful hour, only to be asked by mom the next day 'Beta what time did u come in home last night - 3?' and I dutifully nodded my head apologetically , all the time thinking (phew, im glad that wasnt an open ended question, had she waited for me to answer, i'd have had to tell her 4.30!!)
Sunday was spent playing Taboo and Jenga among most of the guys who were stull hungover from the previous night, and who were (wonder of wonders) still drinking. Im a sucker for board games - Pictionary, Taboo, Monopoly, Jenga are my favorite favorite party games YET. If there were any words to elaborate how much ive laughed and the ridiculous things these boys have said in their half drunk stupor, i would. Until then.
'Made of Honour' was my weekend fiesta initiation. The movie is mostly flat with Patrick Dempsey being the only thing worth watching about it. Ok no, make that two things, there's a scene in the movie when he kisses Hannah (his best friend) that made my stomach plummet to my ankles or thereabout. [I'm wondering if im old enough to stop being flippy about these things?]
Dinner was at Ivy Lounge, with a glass of Merlot-something. I like this place, though I wish the inside was as nice as the outside. I have a theory about wine being had in a slightly dimly lit place, with mellow music and a nice companion. Its kind of an intimate drink, in my opinion.
Saturday night saw Serendipity at 'Shiro' - a lounge bar/club type place, with FANTASTIC ambience. Its a go-in-a-big-group or go alone with someone-you-have-so-much-fun-with-you-dont-care-whose-around type place. They serve a nasty Mojito, in a tall glass, no less which can make a happy person veryy happy. Add to this the house music they were playing and it all culminated into a brilliant time. The only bad move being some alcohol induced decision of 'Lets go to Bling' at 2.30 a.m. in the morning. There were all of 2 people not drunk, myself included and two cars so apparently since we had non drunk drivers = number of cars, we had problem solved. [except the tiny detail of Bling being at Andheri, and Shiro being at Worli, and most of us living in South Mumbai].
4-5+ Drinks raises enthusiasm levels to off the scale limits, hence we all set off, reached Bling at 3.15 to find out it would cost us about 3 grand a couple to enter. Did we enter? YOU THINK? Got home that errr morning at a shameful hour, only to be asked by mom the next day 'Beta what time did u come in home last night - 3?' and I dutifully nodded my head apologetically , all the time thinking (phew, im glad that wasnt an open ended question, had she waited for me to answer, i'd have had to tell her 4.30!!)
Sunday was spent playing Taboo and Jenga among most of the guys who were stull hungover from the previous night, and who were (wonder of wonders) still drinking. Im a sucker for board games - Pictionary, Taboo, Monopoly, Jenga are my favorite favorite party games YET. If there were any words to elaborate how much ive laughed and the ridiculous things these boys have said in their half drunk stupor, i would. Until then.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
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