Thursday, January 17, 2008

That part of me

ThatIve been a person who people have teased about my ideas of falling in love and prince charming. Countless times ive heard people I care about tell me that I live in a bubble, and prince charming was for Cinderella. I dint care; I was in love with the idea of falling in love ever since I knew what it was. The idea of someone blowing on my coffee to make it cooler, holding my hand and maneuvering me through puddles, reading a book with my head on his lap, trading food cos his is nicer and many other little things I can write a thesis about, were things id go dreamy about and spend many afternoons thinking of and many pages in my diaries rhapsodizing

But yep, it's not been easy and sticking to this theory was hard, I nearly gave up a while back. I almost succumbed to the "it's all in the movies" bit. I loved someone for four years of my life, killed my dreams and burst my bubbles in my head before I knew if they'd take shape. But I loved it. Loving someone enough to not even want to have them was something id never done before and I hope I never have to do again.

I truly believe that when you love someone, the finality to that love is not "dating them" or "having them" sure it would be nice, but that's not the end point. At that time, I dint see that love going anywhere and much as I longed for it, I was ok knowing that we'd never be together. I think love should be "loved" within the realms of your mind and heart – both of which resonate to create that weak-feeling-in-stomach and stupid-grin-on-face syndromes.

That said, hearts have a funny way of healing – just when you think you've loved that love your meant to love and seen your heart break every day, someone comes along and carries that hug, that smile and a few extra bonuses like dimpled cheeks and what not J

People always say "oh god I cant believe I could like that person" or "I don't think I really loved that person after all" after everything's over. But I embrace it – I embrace the fact that I went through an exhilarating tumultuous excruciating love, and now I have a chance to do it again. This time around a little more happiness please! and I do believe that love doesn't happen just once, it happens every day, in the eyes of the mother who packs food every day, the eyes of the dad who basks in the glory of his children's success, the siblings who cover up for each other, the friend who comes over armed with chocolate when feeling down, the form of this one crazy magical person who seems to have magical healing fingertips and words.

I know the above love is "different" from the love we were talking about – but since when did love have definitions, boundaries, rationality or any semblance of logic whatsoever.

If love isn't irrational crazy and intoxicating, then what is?


Dusty Fog said...

hey..i know what you mean. More often than not, we swear off 'love' when things go bad in one relationship. But come to think of it, isn't it like work. We so desperately want that promotion.We don't get it. Two days at the most we are down in the dumps. We are back again giving it our best once again.
It is lovely to know that you are out there again, loving and living. Congrats and best of luck.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. they say that "Be happy for it happened" :-)
the best thing is you accepted all that came your away and still did not do away with your beliefs. that takes hell lot of courage. otherwise people end up becoming "devdas" most of the times.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

Ok - That makes it one less.
Life eej hard! :0(

Aroj said...

dont listen to the cynics..keep on believing in what u believe..thats all that matters...they will never understand or know what u feel...

love is indeed crazy,irrational and intoxicating....but i think it is also much much more than experienced, not defined.

Aroj said...

A rose dreamed day and night about having the company of the bees, but none ever came to land on her petals.
But the flower went on dreaming: during many a long night she imagined a sky with lots of bees flying towards her and kissing her tenderly. In this way she managed to resist to the next day, when she opened again to the sunlight.
One night the moon, knowing how lonely the rose felt, asked her:
- Aren't you tired of waiting?
- Perhaps. But I have to struggle on.
- Why?
- Because if I don't open up, I will wither.
At moments when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to keep yourself open.

From Paulo Coelho's,

Jack Sparrow said...

Aroj: Perfectly stated. Couldn't have put it better !

S: Listen and learn !!!

Aditya said...

"I embrace the fact that I went through an exhilarating tumultuous excruciating love, and now I have a chance to do it again."

Took me a while to get there, but yeah, eventually I did.

Now, I sit and wait :)

Just another Indian said...

life itself is crazy, intoxicating and irrational ...

Morpheus said...

Janis Joplin might have your answers..

Serendipity said...

The one who killed onself at 27?

Aroj said...

Hey! hope alls great on the love front..! :-)