Been thinking about it for a long time. The kind of man I've always wanted to end up with, the kind of man I've been saving up for... He's a combination of perfect and not so perfect, sweet but a little rough around the edges, caring but a bit reserved with himself, in love with me, but not enough that I know confidently he'd be miserable without me...
Some must have's - Stubble.. but just about, the trace of a manly scent, whiffs making me try to guess the brand, and forget for a moment where i am. A strong, assertive, elegant watch that just peeks out from below the cuff, one Ill notice during some casual gestures made whilst speaking. A dimple - one that plays hide and seek, one that ill keep mentally longing to see...
He's attractive, but he need'nt be conventionally handsome, im not one for convention. He's athletic and would cancel on a date with me cos he wouldnt want to miss gym. I would TOTALLY be ok with that. in fact secretly I'd be pleased. He's romantic, but just in the right amounts. Men tend to get totally besotted with a woman sometimes and act completely embarassingly kooky. He doesnt put up with too many of my erratic moods, just when he knows he needs to. Men who cant stand up for themselevs and go weak kneeed around the woman they love are completely unattractive.
He can walk into a room with just an arm on my waist and completely own me, with just that one hand placed assertively on the small of my back, everyone will know where my heart is, and whose his belongs to. He drinks single malt scotch and enjoys his drink, one sip at a time... not too little, not one too much. Getting drunk will make me look bad too, he knows.
He is a kid at heart, one that i can crack absolutely ridiculous jokes with and laugh for no real reason. I let go, i let go of that completely in control, self-preservatory me and let myself be me again...just for a moment let me try. It feels nice, to depend.
He likes my family and loves them like his own - my dad enjoys a drink with him. They feel it too - that aura of assurance, love and protectiveness he bestows on me.
He sounds just perfect. But he isnt... he's cranky sometimes and irrational, and a little too nice. But thats where I come in. Me with my sensible-all-rational approach to life. Ill compensate by having that conversation with him - the one about why we cant make all our decisions with our heart - the lessons Ive learnt the hard way.
And he cant iron clothes. he's good at dishes, but hes bad at ironing clothes. "Ill cook" he says. Ah well. Its endearing, the strange aversion to ironing clothes.
Hard to find such a guy i hear you say. I've heard that all my life. I live in a bubble, rose tinted glasses, cinderella stories dont exist, been there heard that.
I'll have the last laugh on this one, i hear myself say. This guys just gonna pop off a plane and be mine, simple as that.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Two dozen years
This will be one of those completely irrelevant, random posts that seem to be all i have lately. Over the last week i realized that Ive hit that point i thought (and hoped) i would never reach. That point when i stop being SUPER DUPER excited about my birthday. Seriously, i was one of those people you'd get embarrassed being around because id be brimming with a lot (lot lot lot) of excitement. But Ive been lucky, Ive had friends who've pampered me to no end, made my day crazy special, gone that extra mile....
Having said that, there was something missing this year. Every one's busy and in their grown up worlds. Birthday treats had to be scheduled and rescheduled and (one) was finally canned. What was once unthinkable (not coming to my birthday, wishing me, missing the 12 o clock birthday wish etc) is now completely acceptable. Really this is the same girl who spent 9 p.m the previous night onwards wondering how the next three hours will pass till the clock turns 12!
It was a fun birthday, i was at my cousins wedding, and hence not in town. Everyone wished me, the wedding was fun yadayada. Colleagues made my day by decorating my bay and getting me a really nice jacket id been wanting since ages. i wont go into what each person did else this will sound like a thank you speech!
If I'm sounding a little off-key, let me clarify that i am. Have no idea why...or maybe i don't want to acknowledge that im being all grown up about it cos i don't! i don't want to get all boring and "its OK you forgot my birthday" about it. I want to be crazy and hormonally neurotically angry if someone dare do so, and a superlatively excited crazy fool again. I don't want to get into the whole "lets not give each other gifts, its quite juvenile" bit, no!! i want to spend a few days before each one of my friends birthdays and figure out what i want to get them and the whole enchilada. Needless to say i want the same back! :)
I've always had one anchor, one focal point who takes my day, decides how it will be, fixes things so that they’re all in place, jazzes it up and makes sure I've had the best day of that yr on my birthday. As someone rightly said, Shit happens. That anchor is now missing, and Ive become this hard as nails, ready to fend for myself, can take on anything person. while it is a good thing, I miss feeling hurt over small things, caring about the minuscule things in life and being completely vulnerable to someone. It was a strange feeling - that vulnerability. That euphoria on seeing that person after ages, or that sinking feeling and consequent sadness over the smallest thing they might’ve said that would hurt, thinking how one situation can benefit both rather than myself... More than anything, its the feeling of being two people, not one.
This hard-ass, independent, career woman, logic over everything, no nonsense person is just not me. I miss that naivete, that little inability to handle some situations and hence depending on some one to be there, that aching nagging little hurt over wanting something so bad, that crazy childlike (note: NOT childish) trusting person that I used to be.
Toughening up is just not cool.
Having said that, there was something missing this year. Every one's busy and in their grown up worlds. Birthday treats had to be scheduled and rescheduled and (one) was finally canned. What was once unthinkable (not coming to my birthday, wishing me, missing the 12 o clock birthday wish etc) is now completely acceptable. Really this is the same girl who spent 9 p.m the previous night onwards wondering how the next three hours will pass till the clock turns 12!
It was a fun birthday, i was at my cousins wedding, and hence not in town. Everyone wished me, the wedding was fun yadayada. Colleagues made my day by decorating my bay and getting me a really nice jacket id been wanting since ages. i wont go into what each person did else this will sound like a thank you speech!
If I'm sounding a little off-key, let me clarify that i am. Have no idea why...or maybe i don't want to acknowledge that im being all grown up about it cos i don't! i don't want to get all boring and "its OK you forgot my birthday" about it. I want to be crazy and hormonally neurotically angry if someone dare do so, and a superlatively excited crazy fool again. I don't want to get into the whole "lets not give each other gifts, its quite juvenile" bit, no!! i want to spend a few days before each one of my friends birthdays and figure out what i want to get them and the whole enchilada. Needless to say i want the same back! :)
I've always had one anchor, one focal point who takes my day, decides how it will be, fixes things so that they’re all in place, jazzes it up and makes sure I've had the best day of that yr on my birthday. As someone rightly said, Shit happens. That anchor is now missing, and Ive become this hard as nails, ready to fend for myself, can take on anything person. while it is a good thing, I miss feeling hurt over small things, caring about the minuscule things in life and being completely vulnerable to someone. It was a strange feeling - that vulnerability. That euphoria on seeing that person after ages, or that sinking feeling and consequent sadness over the smallest thing they might’ve said that would hurt, thinking how one situation can benefit both rather than myself... More than anything, its the feeling of being two people, not one.
This hard-ass, independent, career woman, logic over everything, no nonsense person is just not me. I miss that naivete, that little inability to handle some situations and hence depending on some one to be there, that aching nagging little hurt over wanting something so bad, that crazy childlike (note: NOT childish) trusting person that I used to be.
Toughening up is just not cool.
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