The soon to be All-New-And-Fantisically-Awesome One

Loads has been happening in life! After much ranting, Gym has been joined! Very convenient location, almost easy on the pocket. (7.5k for 6 months, which is a giant relief from the 19.5k for 6 months the earlier gym was quoting) and exceeding my expectations in terms of equipment, trainers and general ambience. P-h-e-w and double p-h-e-w.

Some semblance of discipline has been infused into otherwise disorderly lifestyle. Home-office-home-gym-home. is the new routine. I passed up a movie with The Brat since I had gym last evening. In case you've noticed, A will hereafter be renamed the brat owing to cheeky behaviour, which I secretly find cute, but dont tell him I said so. [One of his favorite jokes all of last week was 'Its almost as though I signed up for a Mercedes Benz, but got a Maruti 800] The cars in question here, being a reference to me :/ And also the poor dear is having to work on some new Business with a girl he used to find cute insisting that she 'might' ask him to discuss it over dinner and he wont be able to refuse. Professionally of course :\ he's just enjoying the slight possesiveness Im displaying for the first time. Im trying to be my usual cool and unruffled self but even Im not perfect. [Who Would've thought].

On the first day of gym, measurements were taken. Owing to a previously rigorous routine of uninterrupted gym for 3 years, I used to be pretty well turned out. Until the last year of course. I shuddered as measurements increased their way to 2 inches EVERYWHERE. <woe is me>
I almost passed out when I had to hold this thingamajig to measure BMR which oscillated dangerously between 'Muscular' and 'Latent Obesity' and it finally decided 'Latent Obesity'. I know. Im diagnosed with the 'Indian Woman Syndrome' the ever loving Pear shape. Just a year ago that damn needle would settle on the other one, oscillation-less. Top it off with this website with its words of wisdom and I quote "Finally, you should know that losing weight will not change your pear-shaped body - it will only make you a smaller pear"

In line with other gym related funnies, I saw my liftman wearing ONE gym glove while operating the lift. He's an unofficial liftman and currently arrives in jeans and t shirts, and is not yet given a uniform (My buildings new rememeber). I was wondering why the man was sporting one glove, that too a gym glove nonetheless. That was before I realized (2 days later) that I had only one glove in my bag, and had probably dropped it in the building :/ Im wondering if i ought to surreptitiously drop the other glove that i have so that At least one of us has a complete set!

The (free) Dieticians appointment was also a laugh riot, reminiscent of college days. I was already confused when the floor manager asked FIVE of us to go a small cabin and wait. I was under the impression that a diet plan will be made etc and just out of curiousity, I stayed. After being ushered into the cabin, a sweet gentleman walks in with a bunch of papers stapled together and after a few minutes of introduction begins to read out from the pages. Things like what is the definition of Fitness, Nutrition. NO, THE EXACT DEFINITION. I couldnt control the idea of sitting through 5 pages of a monologue while i could easily spend that time killing myself over leg curls and squats and spent the first 10 minutes of the lecture snickering in a badly disguised fashion.
Im given to laugh uncontrollably in extremely embarassing situations so yesterday's situation of snickering away to glory on the poor mans face was a cakewalk. I am tottering around with a slight limp after being delivered one tight kick under the table by B, a friend and colleague who also comes to gym.

Lazin' around, singin a song.

Living each day in the somnolent state that I currently wake up to and retain with effortless ease throughout the course of the day has a number of drawbacks - Mammoth Laziness, sloth-like movements and a general Lethargy towards change in physical being. This also has repercussions on overall mental alertness which has recorded an all time L-O-W.

Case in Question : Until a day ago, I was under the impression that the month we have entered is in fact, April. When I met her for (AN AWESOME) lunch on Saturday, she was mentioning all the zillions of errands she needs to run before she leaves for her impending vacation on 7th May.
Of course I was wondering why she was stressing so much (since apparently she had 3 more weekends). When asked me for Haircut advice, I said 'Get shortish bangs in the front, they'll grow out in a months time before you leave', she must've naturally thought I was N-U-T-S.
"7th May is this Thursday, woman" said she. After which followed Five minutes of 'WTF, What're you saying OMG' and a quick round up of any April related activities I would need to cover up in May. Sheesh. I feel as though someone stole a month of my life :\
This meant I forgot to wish a friend on his birthday on May 1st since apparently it was a month away. Now the explanation above (although true) seems ridiculous to give to a good friend for not wishing him, and hence I have done the next worst thing. Not called him up since. Yes. I'm good at taking situations from bad to worse :\

I think the routine has done me in. Ever since my gym got far too expensive for me to renew and I moved away so I cant join it anyway, I'm activity-less. Home-office-home or Home-office-dinner/drinks outside-home. and that's all! Whats more mortifying, is after gymming hard for so many years and working hard to be a 'S' or even an 'XS' in some stores, I'm suddenly going a size up. SO NOT GOOD.

How to get out of this Rut? It all seems so easy. Wake up early, go for a walk, list things needed to be done, start prioritizing, striking things off the list. ETC. easier said than done :\

Weight for me?

I really need to get down to it. Working out again i.e. The question is HOW? The Gym i worked out with for 3 years, has gone and gotten itself a new swanky avatar - a new name (5), a new location, and additional activities (A Plush Swimming pool among others).

Sounds good so far. My gym fee used to be about 15 grand (inclusive of taxes) for the year until the last year. I didn't renew gym when my membership expired cause I would've been getting married and moving. (note - missed the offer of a yr membership @ Rs. 18,000). To further note that I am one of those people who -

• Is not only a foodie, BUT
• Puts on weight like its in fashion AND
• Eats when shes upset/angry etc.

This cant be good.

Moving onto the Renewing Business. I acknowledged my wanting-to-get-back-to-gym-and-get-ass-kicked hence called up gym to inquire about new rates.

Me: "Hi, I'm (Insert Real life name), wanted to inquire about your new gym rates, wanted to renew my membership."

Guy (Major smile beaming through phone voice): "Sure Ma'am - The yearly fee is Rs. 27, 555. Would you like us to come by and pick up your payment?"

Me: (Gulps) "27, 555? Inclusive of tax (12.36%)?"

G: (Less smilingly):" Taxes extra"

Me: (Slow sinking cant-afford-it-feeling coupled with quick 27555*.1236 calculation) "What about off peak hours?"

G: (Shes not gonna join voice):"Ma'am we've discontinued the off peak hour rates. We now have a standard fee. This entitles you to use the swimming pool, steam, sauna all for free (FREE, REALLY? wtf am i paying 30 grand for then?)"

Me: (Desperately): "Ive been a member for three years! Cant i get a discount? Is Shahzad (the Manager last I went). Can you please check"

G: (Stop wasting my time voice), (Two minute pause) :" Ma'am we can give you a five percent discount on the total cost"

Me: (mentally calculating 27,555 - 0.05*27,555 = f*ckloads of money): "All right let me call you back shortly"

By now im quite upset and pretty sure I wont be able to join cos shelling out close to 30 G for gym just wasn't happening. My middle class upbringing forbids me from splurging that money although it sits pretty in account, could be put to better use. Anyway, to further (and then end) the conversation.

G: "Ma'am if you were to ask me, our best scheme and most economical one for you is the three year package. Only 69, 555 for three years."

Me: (in my mind) "Shut up"

Me: (Out Loud) :" Ok great, ill have to call you back". (open a send-me-to-gym foundation, gather funds and then)

Now, considering I gymmed with them for three years, its a given that my name and number are in the database. No sooner did I hang up with Euphoria-now-5 guy, i get the sms below -

"Members are requested to bring their own swimming pool caps while availing facilities. The new and improved 5 also has something something for your all round fitness regime."

YARGH.

Anway, Coming back to square one. Needing to get down to it. Must start deadlining. And weight losing. Let me start with 3 Kgs. By end Feb? Anyone wanting to be mentor and shouting at me end Feb if this deadline is not met, feel free. To note I will make sad face and get away so please to be hardass. Volunteers?